Divine Tension

I woke up this morning to walk early. I needed intimacy with God. The song on my heart was, "Lord, You have my heart, and I will search for Your's. Let me be to You a sacrifice. Lord, You have my heart, and I will search for Your's. Jesus, take my hand and lead me on." You see, yesterday, I received some disheartening news. MOPS released a brand new book that looks similar to mine. Of course, I've not read it yet...but even the title is worded similarly. It doesn't make sense. I have one more week before MOPS is supposed to give me an answer, but I feel I already know it. I'm trying not to let my emotions get ahead of the game, but yesterday was rough. I know that God had no intentions of me wasting two year of my life. I know that book has a purpose, but I'm going to have a bigger fight ahead. My first temptation was to bow out. "You know, I have a great life, and I'm really enjoying my kids. Who needs a book?" Though that is all true, that is God's book. So I have to get my heart in a neutral place and be ready to work for it...and ready to let it go all at the same time.

...which brings me to my title point: Divine Tension.

One of the best things we heard on our trip was a challenge from Banning Leibscher. I don't know much about this man, but I do know that the day we heard him, we heard some things we needed to hear...because he understands a God-given dream. Banning said that dreamers have to learn to live in Divine Tension. We have to learn to live in the absolute satisfaction and abundance of Christ on one hand....and on the other hand learn to live in absolute hunger and desperation for Christ. Wow! Nothing could be truer of the last few months of our lives. The purpose of our trip? We believe in many ways that one of the purposes was to learn to live in the abundance end of things. We (well, mostly I) seem tempted to live with the mentality that we never know what we'll have tomorrow - always scraping. There is balance. I need to understand that my God is the abundant, all-satisfying God - and with Him I'll never lack.

My SIL, Karen, and I had been discussing this a few days before. How we tend to make better decisions when we're not worried about being deprived. If we have access to everything, we choose what we really know is good. If we are continually denied, we tend to grab for whatever is offered - just because it is offered. Kids do this. When given LOTS of rules, they tend to bolt whenever they have a tinge of freedom. I remember as a kid when we didn't have a t.v., we tended to watch it every living moment we had an opportunity. Later, when my parents got a t.v., I didn't even care. I knew it was there if needed. It applies in so many ways. The heart that knows it's covered and provided for, tends to choose what is best...because it has no worries or insecurities.

A small way to apply that...I've been praying for a way to stock back up on some Costco things, so I wasn't continually scraping for $1 items to get by for a week. So it was so generous of the Lord to provide a $100 gift card to Costco in the mail from an anonymous giver when we returned home.

Another thing I'm trying to process:
*At WOW this week, one of the lessons was from I Kings 13. It was the story of the man of God who went to Judah to prophesy. God told him not to stay there or eat or drink there, but say what he was to say and go on. King Jeroboam asked the man to stay for dinner, but he said, "No, God said I can't stay or eat or drink. I must go on." So he left. Some men ran ahead and told their dad all that they had seen. Their dad was a propeht. So while the man of God was on his way home, the prophet came out and invited him to have dinner. But the man of God said, "No, God said I can't stay or eat or drink. I must go on." But the prophet persuaded him. He said, "Hey! I'm a man of God just like you are, and an angel came and told me I could invite you in for dinner." So the man of God said, "Alrighty then!"...and went in and ate. Before dinner was over, God told him he would die on the way home. He did. The end. (paraphrased of course).

*This morning, reading 1 John 2. Verses 26-27 "I am writing these things to you about those who are trying to lead you astray. As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit - just as it has taught you, remain in him."

So my thinking...how do you balance being in community, being accountable, and being under the covering of authority when those you are in community with say things like, "Hey! I know God just like you do, and God would never tell you to do something like that"? How do you balance wise counsel with the fact that the Holy Spirit teaches through His anointing and says that we don't really need other teachers (who may lead us astray)?

Questions mean I don't understand...so don't try to read too much in. Just pondering.