Beyond Me...

I washed my face, and my towel smelled like peanut butter.
I spent 17 minutes on hold with Verizon Wireless.
Someone decided to wash my toaster.
Someone slid through a painting that was left to dry on the floor.
I spent time on the phone with a counselor, a school official, and an insurance agency.
I finalized car titles, filled out government forms, and dealt with the school bus yard.

At some point this morning, I realized that this day was going to be bigger than me. That is what I *should* realize every day. For those are the days that tend to go the best: the days that I *realize* the day is bigger than me, instead of being convinced that I am enough to handle it.

Because in all of it today, I haven't yelled at anybody. I haven't pulled my hair out. I was even friendly to everyone on the phone. That isn't in me. It is God in me.
The point is, my kids painted! Someone made toast and wanted to helpfully clean up. Someone washed the peanut butter off their face and hands because they knew they should. And today, because God is doing miracles in my heart, I've been able to see hearts and not annoying actions that need corrected.

Thank you, Jesus.

Water!

We have water! So much water, in fact, that I almost took two showers today. It wasn't intentional. I stayed up until about 1 a.m. working on taxes. Joy. I got up at 6:00 and took my shower, but because Bill had such a strenuous day yesterday, I didn't want to wake him trying to find clothes, etc. So I just put my jammies back on after my shower. Later, when I was able to get dressed, I almost got in the shower again. Can you say, "Tired."

...and I feel compelled to explain that most times when we are w/o water, we have a stock of water bottles we can use for hand washing, teeth brushing, etc. We usually also fill a cooler, etc. before the water is turned off. But it happened w/o my knowledge this time. Something about cleaning out the toybox and putting boys to work that kept me from realizing what Mike the plumber and Bill were doing downstairs. Also, there have been two times lately that our family seemed to be completely out of water bottles. First, the day my office decided to quit stocking them in the breakroom fridge...and YESTERDAY! Oh, well. We are on city water for the time being, and all is good.

The morning started with Riley trudging through math. He wasn't liking it at all. But a mocha with cool whip, chocolate chips, and chocolate drizzle on top gave him just enough energy to get through the rest of the lesson. *wink*

Then we moved onto history, and things got exciting. We were studying the Vikings and how the north men (Norsemen, Normans) had settled in northern France and William, Duke of Normandy set out across the English Channel to defeat Harold, was renamed William the Conquerer, and become king of England. As we were studying, I began remembering tidbits from the Gifford family coat of arms. Since its my hubby's family, its not as fresh on my mind. But I'm remembering...Norman descent...William the Conqueror, and of course the fearless family motto, "Death Before Dishonor."

So we made the connection and Riley got excited. We looked up the Gifford Family Coat of Arms online, and found this:



This is the coat of arms that Bill silk screened in college, and we have hanging in our living room:


Riley thought it was cool that he was William (brave protector) Riley (strong and courageous) Gifford (Death Before Dishonor) III, of Norman descent. Things began to click and history came alive for Riley today. We got a little lost in it, and just made it history day, studying Britain's Bayeaux tapestry , a 20" x 200 ft tapestry hand woven by the women of Britain over thousands of years that tell the story of William the Conqueror, the battle of Hastings, and Harold.

Love Is not "A Work"
...and I just have to share something that clicked with me this week. I'm such a worker. My mentor is challenging me to find times that I literally do nothing and just sit before the Lord. It is HARD. To just sit. No talking, no reading, just listening, reflecting, soaking. I'm not good at it. It's uncomfortable. Funny, that also this week, we have been borrowing my brother's truck while we wait on the insurance stuff to settle out. Wouldn't you know that he has removed the stereo from this truck? Silence. Complete silence. Driving from work and back, I feel my skin might just crawl right off my skeletal frame as I'm reminded how uncomfortable I am with silence and truly try to embrace the moments. Coincidence? Doubt it!

So this week, Deborah Hiebert spoke at MOPS about God's love and the love relationship He desires for us. I need to hear it every day! Something clicked this time, though. Something I've never really grasped. As God has put before me that my job this year is to love Him and to love others, I realized that I even see love as a task. I need to work at loving. I need to show love by this and that. But this time it clicked. Love isn't a job. It's not a work. It is a WHO. Love is God. God is love. It is Him in me that creates that love. He loves through me because He is in me. His love for me enables me to love Him.

Yesterday, I started to get out my study that I've been doing on anger to move to the next lesson. I've truly enjoyed it, but realized that even that is a guide to hash away at all my flawed components to get rid of anger. Would I be angry if I was able to sit before the Lord and let Him love on me? Would I struggle with anger if I was drenched in His love and ready to pour it out to others?

Ruth Brown shared at our group the lesson she'd learned from Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself, which I've done before - but hadn't remembered. We need to "pour out" all our "junk" to the Lord, then let God "pour in" to us, so we can "pour forth" to others.

So, dinner is in the crockpot, laundry is being caught up, I'm showered, and we've finished school. But the most important things done today aren't things I've done. They are the smiles, the high fives, the hugs in the rocking chair, the racey text messages back and forth with my husband, and the moments of just connecting. Not because I've worked at it, but because I've surrendered my heart to the Lord today and let Him just cause me to pause, enjoy, and pour forth.

Plan B

The first mistake of the day was that I slept in. The music was just so soothing on the "alarm" that I didn't really wake up. I've been trying to wake up by 5:30, stretch and exercise, and get showered and dressed. Then I wake one of my promising students for coffee with mom and one on one time, getting all their schoolwork done before breakfast.

BUT, today, I found myself scrambling. I woke up late, had some time in the Word - which was good, and helped the boys get their rooms clean, telling myself I'd shower in a minute. But then Mike the plumber came.

Now when you live in an old house, you build relationships with your repair men. Mike is one such man. Nothing gets done when Mike is here. Mike is too fun. Mike is too interesting. Mike allows little helpers to stand over him and talk his ear off, and Mike always brings cinnamon fireballs.

Mike came to change our UV bulb that filters our mountain spring water. You have to turn off the water to change the bulb. While he was working, I sorted the laundry, filled the dishwasher, and swept the bedroom floors. Now we just needed water for the rest of everything. But the store gave Mike the wrong bulb, so he had to go and exchange it.

Meanwhile, I dealt with a late credit card payment - a payment I forgot to make because I had planned on paying off the card totally when the truck money came. I knew it should be here before the due date on the card. But it's not...and I forgot to make the payment. A friend prayed with me about the details of my day: water situation, missing gloves... details.

Mike came back and changed the bulb, but something happened to the power box and shorted it out. New power box is on the way, courtesy the warranty. In the meantime we needed to switch to city water, but the valve wasn't working. Still no water. Bill hiked the mountain to our water boxes, and couldn't find the right valves to shut off the water from there.

'bout the same time, the friend who's buying our truck brought it up to have Bill help him get the camper shell and rack off, since we're selling those separetly.

Bill never made it to work this morning. I'm unshowered and in my p.j.'s. Worst thing: fuzzy teeth. It was then that I realized that God being in the details of my day didn't apparently mean the details would go smoothly. It seemed that something else was involved here: another test. God was graciously providing another opportunity to see if I could rest in Him during the chaos. If I could ask Him what His plan was, instead of being frustrated at my unfulfilled plans. Can I accept His yoke? Can I remember that He is the "lead ox", that taking His yoke, means keeping pace with Him - not getting ahead, not lagging behind?

So five reheated plates of leftovers, 2 math lessons, 2 language arts lessons, and three phone calls later, I'm still in my p.j.'s and still have fuzzy teeth. BUT, I have resisted the urge to find ways to blame everyone for what has gone wrong. I have praised the structure of 12 lego ships. I have applauded the drawing of "Gary the snail." I have made 2 beds, and changed snow-soaked boys who have determinedly dug a new snow fort. The sun is shining. Psalm 19 rings through my head.

It's all good, baby!

The Moose
A friend who lives on the other side of the mountain, captured these photos this week of the moose in her yard....and chances are, the moose in our yard was in the same group.

Valentines ...and all that jazz

I'm feeling a bit giddy and don't even quite know what to do with myself. I thought I was going to be rushing out the door this morning to take my kids somewhere, and J & M came and got them and took them away. :D The house is quiet. Bill is working on the shower. I snuck too the couch with my Bible and read and read some more and looked up some cross references and got caught up in Zechariah where I never ever find myself and rabbit trailed here and there about the last days and God's sense of time. If found myself caught up in Exodus 12 in a passage that caught my eye a few weeks ago. You see, on Friday nights I do storytelling for our 3-5th grade discipleship group. We use the orality method of storytelling. Basically, telling the story straight - no additions or research ideas, etc. It is more difficult than you might think to retell a Bible story just as it is written without adding all the things you've studied or researched or been taught by some history buff over the years. But anyway, a few weeks ago we studied the passover and the exodus and I was struck by Ex 12:41-42

"At the end of the 430 years, to the very day, all the Lord's divisions left Egypt. Because the Lord kept vigil that night to bring them out of Egypt, on this night all the Israelites are to keep vigil to honor the Lord for the generations to come."

I'm awestruck by a God who stayed up and kept watch as His people were delivered from exile. Interesting that the Scripture would make special note that God was intently staying up and watching over them. We know He always is when we stop to think about it, but this time God wanted us to remember without any doubt, that He is the God who is intrinsically involved in the details of our deliverance. He isn't laying somewhere asleep while we struggle through our issues. He doesn't get up in the morning and check on us and see what progress we made while He was "off-duty." He is the God Who keeps vigil.

Then there is the call to keep vigil ourselves to honor Him for all generations. I'm not sure I understand the depths of this passage, but it has me intrigued and wanting to dig deeper...and that's a good thing.

The truck
Many have asked, and I thought I'd already said something - but I don't know what I've said the last few weeks. Life is crazy! Yes, Bill's truck was in an accident. Someone slid into him in the snow. It wasn't horribly damaged - just enough to consider it totalled because of it's age/mileage, etc. In the end, it works out fine. Bill wasn't hurt. We'd been trying to sell the truck. Now it is sold. We are "downgrading" to a baby car (the kind that has my husband really bemoaning the loss of his manly truck and my son touting how embarrassed he will be if we take him to school in it) and using the funds to catch up other places right now. I'm proud of Bill. He made the decision. No pressure from me. I guess I should be proud of myself, too, for staying out of it. Bill has really handled this entire mess himself, and I've only given feedback when asked. Yeah for both of us!

...and other updates

I'm still working for a doctor's office 3-4 shifts a week, trying to finish a year of homeschooling, researching school choices for next year, going through a big personal growth process with a series of Cloud and Townsend books, and praying through what I'm able to handle minsitry-wise right now.

Bill shoveled lots of roofs until the snow begin to melt a little. This week he began doing some tile for a tile crew he's worked for in the past. This should carry him through until the golf course puts him on.

The kids are great and have stayed healthy. We escaped from the dentist this time with all four kids being cavity free!

We had a moose in our hard this week! There have been a few sightings even in Spokane this week. In the scramble and excitement we got a little video footage, but no still shots I can post - only hoof prints later.





Valentines
My husband surprised me the night before Valentines with little gifts here and there. I got things ready on the table in the morning for everyone. A gift for Bill, cards and a couple treats for each boy, and was humbled by what ended up at my place: flowers from Bill, a mug and chocolates from the boys.



My favorite part of Valentines this year was the cards. Bill did such a great job picking out cards that really are meaningful after this year. I wouldn't normally share, but this time I will.

From the boys...

A mother's love...
what could be more important to the heart?
For holding small hands with your gentle protection,
fixing a hurt with such loving affection...
For keeping your family safe and secure but still knowing how to let go...
For all the attention and care you've provided,
the tears that you've dried and decisions you've guided..
For putting your family first in your heart,
you're loved more than you'll ever know.

From Bill...

We fell in love
not to shock anybody,
but because we couldn't help ourselves.
We wrapped our lives up together
not to make a statement,
but because we knew this was right.
And it doesn't take much
to remind me or our reasons why:
You walk into the room,
I go falling again.
I can't help myself..
It's still so right.

Mine to Bill....

You still make my heart race.
You still make me blush.
You still take my breath away.
You're still the one.

sigh. mush. sap. :D

They really made me feel loved.

We did our annual cookie decorating. I made a big batch of homemade butter icing (pink). I bought a red can of stuff to add touches. The boys finished the can and barely touched all the stuff I made. Anybody need any pink frosting?



Riley later cut out a bunch of big hearts. One whole piece of construction paper for ever letter he needed to write a message to me. He snuck away to my bedroom to "put them up" and later came up in tears. He explained that the tape was lost, and he was trying to use his spit to stick the hearts to my mirror, but they kept falling down.

So much more I want to say. So many stories from the week in my mind and on my heart - but the time clock at work won't wait for me. Hopefully, I can be back here soon! :D

The Beast

Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

This is just an e-mail thing going around, but I really appreciate it.

In the past, I've often felt that Christians were more critical and judgemental than others. It seemed to me that those that don't know the Lord were more "tolerant" of others. But, God has allowed me new experiences...which has changed my beliefs and feelings - and actions. I'm a part of a church now that realizes that we are all unfinished people. We all need the Lord, and we're all in a different stage of the process. My church is loving and supportive and yet doesn't tolerate sin. I'm grateful to be a part of a church that truly emphasizes that the world will know Who we belong to by our love for each other. SO, anyway, all that to say that God is testing me in new ways as I re-enter the secular workplace that I haven't been a part of since I was maybe 19. I'm now seeing how different it is to be surrounded by those who have different goals. I consider myself pretty strong in my faith, and still find myself often drained by my environment. God is giving me a whole new appreciation for those who spend day in and day out with countless people who challenge their values and faith...and He's showing me how out of touch I have been. It's all good, but I could certainly use prayer to know how to relate, even begin conversations...how to react as the "new girl" when I'm disturbed by conversations. It's all new to me. I can't just say, "God's Word says..." :D I'm totally out of my element, so every night seems exhausting....and I really don't have energy to spare. Thanks for lifting me to the Father! :D

A Day at Home

So here is a progression of the winter's snow on our porch. The picnic table gives a good perspective to see the pile up. The snow wouldn't be quite so deep on the porch if it didn't now include most of the snow from the roof.



Since our Christmas tree was still green, Bill "planted" it on our porch. Which has been a nice addition. :D

Hopefully, today was the last day of roof shoveling. It is supposed to begin warming up and raining. We'll see! But thankfully, today, the man Bill has done some tile work for before, called and offered to bring him on hourly for a little while. Just in time!

Today has been really nice. We have been home ALL morning. School has been low priority this week, and I get so tired of feeling behind. So this morning, Riley and I had a date. I woke him really early, made him a homemade Caramel Macchiato, and we did all of his school before 8:00! Yeah!

Then we defrosted the freezer, cleaned out the fridge, wiped down the whole kitchen, babysat little Dougie, got some laundry going, mopped all the floors, and played!! It feels so good just to not rush for a day and get a lot done at home. But it is short lived as we are off for the rest of the night as soon as Clayton gets out of school! Oh, Well! :D

My husband made a salad! I put out garlic bread and spaghetti stuff for dinner - and he added a salad! A good salad too: red peppers, tangerines. Creative and yummy!

It is has been a long week. We've been dealing with our truck issues (it was totalled on Friday). We've had several meetings. I've been gone every night. We've been touring schools, and making decisions for next year.

Last night tornadoes reeked havoc in the south. The daughter of some friends huddled in the corner of the bathroom at Union University while her campus was being ripped apart. Some of our friends are doing disaster relief in Arkansas. Last count was 54 dead. We don't know anyone personally effected. Last night a good friend spent the night in the hospital with chest pains. It is interesting to watch people your age start dealing with these thing. :P Today we received news that a member of our past church in Ozark was killed in a devestating accident .

So today has been a little eery. We're so grateful, that even with all that we are facing, that we can come home and share a salad and look through the Pier One catalog together.