Perfect Plans and The Living Word

Does anyone remember Ally McBeal? I don't recommend the show for the content, but I loved its artistry. I am Ally McBeal, in a redeemed sort of way. Ha! Ha! I love the way she would picture the perfect scenario in her head and then the backward record zi-i-i-p sound would shake her back to reality and what was really happening.

This morning had a perfect beginning. My husband got up and showered, then woke me to let me know he had a fire ready for me in the fireplace. I got up and made a cup of hot, throat-soothing, green tea, helped my hubby pack up a plate of treats and write a card for his co-worker, moved the car seats, and then settled on the couch - in front of the fire- with my Bible- and my hot tea. Perfect!

But, alas, the treat tray shifted, a cookie broke. It all needed re-packed. In helping Bill with his rush to get out the door, the fire got out of control and filled the house with smoke. I rushed to open the door and fan the smoke out before the smoke alarm went off and woke all the children. Z-I-I-I-I-P!!! There went perfection. I plopped down on the couch in a smoke-filled room, with the door open to the 30 degree temperatures.

God was merciful to me this morning, and I was still able to spend some good time in the Word before the first little munchkin woke up. But the other scenario...kids up, smoke alarm going off, cold house, no quiet time...is the more typical event in the life of a mom whose heart is set on having time with God. The best plans and intentions often end up in frustration and shattered hopes. I think it is even harder on moms who work so hard to make time with God happen, and it is continually squashed. To make the sacrifice of getting up early to have that time, to have it slip from your hands like oil, often causes more anger than not having planned the time with God at all. Such is the point of my unpublished book.

So this is for all my weary mom friends: I was explaining to a friend this week who was hashing out with me her own feelings about the guilt that comes from not being in the Word like she wants to, and yet literally being almost physcially held back from the opportunity to do so. I was encouraging her, and I'd like to do it for you as well, to dwell on the Living Word. Jesus is the Word. He is the Living Word, the Word made flesh. God's Word is his breath, his thoughts, his council to us. But when the Living Word lives inside of you, He can breathe that same Word into you when you don't even have time to sit and read. Now, don't run away with this and think I'm someone who believes that whatever thought comes to your mind is from the Lord. But when your heart is seeking, when you are hungry and desperate to hear from Him, TELL HIM!! Ask Him questions. "Lord, I don't know how to handle this. What should I do?" "Lord, I'm torn to pieces about this, what do I do with my feelings?" "Lord, I'm angry right now, how do I be Christ to this person?!" God is spirit and we must worship Him in Spirit and truth. Don't be afraid to hear from Him through your Spirit. He is the Living Word, and He will answer Your questions. This isn't a substitute for being in God's Word. Because His Spirit will often help you recall Scripture you've learned before to answer your questions. If you are NEVER in the Word, there is nothing to recall. But, dwell on the Living Word.

Our pastor and worship team focused on John 1 this week in our Christmas services. I was once again soaked in these thoughts of the Living Word Who was in heaven with God and was God, Who had a hand in all of creation, Who became flesh to dwell among us, and breathes His Word into us. So for all of you who haven't been able to have a chance to curl up in front of the fire with your Bible yet today and are bouncing a fussy baby on your knee, take a minute to ask God to breathe into you - and then read this:

John 1 - Study This Chapter

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of men.

5 The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. 6 There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. 7 He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. 8 He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. 9 The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11 He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God-- 13 children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. 14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

15 John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.'" 16 From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. 17 For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. 18 No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known.

Soak it in!

Just for fun!
After three years, my trusty black leather, Rockport boots that I found for a buck at the Liberty Lake yard sales finally lost a heel. So this week has sent me on a mission to find something to replace them with. I've tried on more boots than I knew could exist, but my picky foot just doesn't adjust to much. I even found myself at Macy's surrounded by $120 pairs of shoes, drooling over designs and being reminded that I am indeed a Balzer. Having four babies increased my feet by 1-1/2 sizes and my 40 pair shoe collection that I entered marriage with quickly dwindeled to one or two trusty pair per season. So, the black boots are essential. My older, bigger, pickier feet, however, keep me from indulging in $120 pairs of heels. I only admire from afar, which is probaly a very good thing. I ended up at Ross, trying on every pair they had in several sizes. The thing about Ross, though, is that their shoes are looped together, so walking around is simply a Tim Conway shuffle. After narrowing down my options to two possibilities, I knew that I needed to wear them around the store for awhile to make sure they didn't start hurting after awhile. So, here I am, shuffling through the whole store to the tune of "Happy Holidays" over the loud speakers. I couldn't resist adding a little hop every now and then, knowing I already looked ridiculous anyway - and some of you still think I have it all together!

Also, in Ross, I have to add that I first returned another pair of boots that I didn't have time to shuffle around in at the store. I got in line, and there was an older man in line in front of me who was buying very young, hip, women's clothing. I was really impressed, thinking in my head what a great eye he has to pick these things out all by himself and how impressed the giftee will be with his taste -and his thoughtful effort, etc...when his wife joined him at the register from another part of the store and completed the transaction. zi-i-i-i-p!

Date Night
Bill surprised me this week by anouncing we were going on a date and he had even arranged childcare!! So after work Saturday, he came and picked me up. I surprised *him* by implementing something I learned from my "For Women Only" book about the need for our men to see effort on our part about our appearance. I had found a couple of steals at Ross to go with the new black boots and excitedly surprised him. Stacy (aka "childcare" and great friend) added to the outfit by gifting me with a beautiful cream wrap. Bill had gotten a few gift cards this year from his employers, so we went to Bonsai Bistro (an Asian restaurant). It was there I decided my calling was to be a food critic and write columns for newspapers.

Bonsai Bistro
Very few restaurants can compete with the Bonsai for view and atmosphere. Where else can you go and feel like you are almost sitting outside over the town, be surrounded by Christmas lights, watch the ice skaters glide across South Pole Skating Village, and be taken in by the serenity of the snow dusted mountains and sleepy lake? The view, comes at a small comfort price, though, as the windows also allow the reality of the winter chill to envelop you. Bonsai goes for a very mellow, dark atmosphere, which they believe to be relaxing; and the power surging of the lights was I'm sure was not their fault, but a bit distracting. I would recommend that if you are vision impaired, that you bring your own reading light to decifer the menu.

Which brings about the menu...So many choices! What a spread! I was grateful for our thoughtful and energetic server who cheerfully gave his favorite recommendations. Bill followed his advice and ordered a house specialty, General Tso's Chicken. It was delic! I regretably decided to play it safe and ordered something I was more familiar with, Almond Cashew Chicken. It was also good, but the wow factor was missing.

We laughed about the music. To us, music is part of the experience. In an Asian restaurant, I simply expect Asian music. So we were amused by the almost blaring, jazzy, easy listening something or other competing with the vocal exercises of the overly joyous bartender.

We capped off our night with something unique: Green Tea Ice Cream, a very creative way to say "dessert" Asian style - since the Asian world is so much better about not having dessert at all. Ever had a Green Tea Frap at Starbucks? Freeze it solid, and there you have it. Very good.

Overall, I give the Bonsai about 4 stars out of 5...but as most experiences, the company always adds the last star. Thank you, Bill.

...and for the rest...
After the Bonsai we headed over to the resort, just to be apart of the Christmas experience. We sat in the place we sat some twelve years ago to DTR (define the relationship), and how he needed to talk to my dad if he had any intentions towards me. Then we moved by the fire just to enjoy the atmosphere, and the overly-tired, working parents syndrome set in. We both began to nod off. So as quickly as we came, we left and drove around the beach to see Christmas lights. I was a little dissappointed. No one puts up lights anymore! I can't complain too much. We didn't either, but isn't there some town policy that if you live in the old, historic parts of town, or on the beach, that you have to put up lights and add to the festive spirit of the season? I guess part of the problem is that half the people who have enough money to live in those areas only live there in the summer. I think CDA should enstate a new law that snowbirds must hire decorators to light up their houses in the winter, so the local residents are not penalized by their half-commitment to the beauty of North Idaho. O.K. Totally joking...but its an idea.
All in all, we had a great time. The snow was softly falling, Stacy loaned us her car, so we felt like adults - but we stayed out 'til midnight like we were kids. - Very fun!

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! Bill left for work at 7 a.m. and will go straight from work to church where he will sing in three Christmas Eve services, and we will join him for one. The kids and I are trying to get ourselves together to join the family for the day. Everyone is here! We enjoyed having three of the bros over for dinner and games and a little DDR (too fun!) last night. It is great to be together!

2007 Part 1

2007 part 2

The cars

Today was interesting to say the least. Bill has been taking the van to work because it gets better gas mileage. The van has studded snow tires (thanks to a friend), the wipers work (though they stop in an upright position), and runs well. The heater, however doesn't work unless you get on the interstate, and the driver's side window won't roll up if you roll it down. So, it has some quirks. The truck, however, has four wheel drive and good tires, so it does o.k. in the snow. It does have a quirk in the wipers as well. Today I got to MOPS in the truck without a hitch; but sure enough, when MOPS was over, it was snowing hard. Heidi prayed with me over the wipers and one good wack on the motor box with the wrench and they started up. However, they quit about seven times on the way home. I would stop, hit the box with the wrench, close the hood, and they'd stop again. I finally got home very wet and cold and wondering about getting Clayton from school. As I pulled in, Bill was leaving for work. The van had a headlight out. He tried to roll down the passenger window to talk to me, but it was shaking like it was off kilter just like the driver's side! The wipers on the truck worked fine when I went to get Clayton, so I decided to check the mail and return some movies. While sitting in the parking lot at the grocery store, the "check gauges" light came on - so I checked, and the termperature gauge was all the way to the red! I'm thinking, "Great! I have to turn off the truck and cool down and figure out the radiator - and then the wipers are going to quit!" But as soon as the light came on, it went off, and the temperature gauge went all the way to cool. At the same time, the heat quit. Well, it kept blowing - ice cold air! Oh, well! The wipers were still going! So we went to the bank, and I know everyone thought I was an idiot for sitting under the roof of the drive-thru with my wipers on high speed - but I wasn't going to turn them off for anything! I pulled out of the drive-thru and my window wouldn't roll up! So, here I am: wipers working, heater not working, window down, in the rain driving home! Clayton kept telling me to hit the door. I finally did, and the window rolled up.

I don't think I'm going anywhere else until I HAVE too!

The "Happy Holidays" War

Riley, Ian, and Hayden are all out playing in the snow. Daddy is about to join them. Clayton is drawing in his room. The sun is peaking out of the clouds and lighting up the snow. My coffee is hot. It all helps take the edge of a morning headache. I’m enjoying the quiet to reflect and think through something I’ve been wanting to address for a while.

Merry Christmas. To me that phrase is one that brings me cheer and brightens my mood. To some it has no meaning at all because Christmas is of no significance to them. To some it has become fighting words - like those shouted in a debate. It is the comeback for “Happy Holidays.”

I’ve been increasingly disturbed this year at the amount energy my brothers and sisters in Christ have poured into fighting for a phrase. Songs have been written, videos made, sermons preached… Now lest you think I’ve forgotten the reason for the season, let’s look at some facts.

*Jesus wasn’t born on December 25...probably no time close. Historians believe it was sometime in the spring, gauging the time of year when Shepherds actually spent the night in the field with their sheep. The date, December 25 was originally a holiday in Rome for the sun god and about the time Constantine was converted to Christianity, the holiday became more of the holiday for the God of the Christians…moving from the original celebration in early January. In other words, the date isn’t significant. It is a tradition, coming from debatably pagan roots.

*Jesus never asked us to remember his birth. He asked us to remember His death. Is it wrong to remember His birth? I don’t think so. It was the fulfillment of a promise, of prophecy. It gave hope, and still does. It reminds us of why He came. But really, what are Christians more likely to make a hub-bub over. Easter? Or Christmas? Compare the amount of time you spend preparing for each. Compare the amount of money and resources you pour into the preparation of each. Compare the amount of time you spend sending greetings and emphasizing the message of the day.

Those who fight for the meaning of Christmas, would be wiser to fight for it in their homes and families than on the streets and over air waves. We fight to hold on to the phrase “Merry Christmas!”, but we still litter our lawns with penguins and snowmen and elves with lollipops. Is there anything wrong with those? No. St. Nicholas was a real person, a religious man, who became a figure in history because of his generosity to the poor. It isn’t wrong to remember him. It isn’t wrong to remember all things wintery and snowy. But what are we really fighting for? The holiday as we’ve come to treat it? Or the remembrance of Christ. Jesus? Or our flawed religion?

If we are fighting for the remembrance of Christ, then how do we do that? Do we yell words and boycott stores? Do we incite debates and mock those who don’t believe as we do? Are we upset about Christ being forgotten or that the face of our nation is changing? Truth is: not everyone does celebrate Christmas. Truth is: there are many other holidays during this time of the year that we as Christians (and others who are not) do celebrate. Are we upset that we can no longer assume that everyone around us believes as we do? Do we demand that because they all live in the good ‘ol U.S. that they must celebrate our holiday? Would you bend to Ramadan if you lived in Iraq? Is fighting over how to greet us going to change their hearts about Christ?

As I’ve thought and thought over this, I’m reminded of the person and character of Christ. Even if we think we are fighting for the remembrance of Jesus, what would He do? He didn’t ever fight for Himself. Why do we? He never did anything outside the will of His father. His mission on earth was to fight for us - to fight for the lost. To do whatever it took, to the laying down of His life to win the hearts and souls of those without Him. Shouldn’t our mission be the same? Are we really worried that God cannot protect His own reputation? Are we really concerned that Jesus needs us to fight for something he never asked us to fight for?

What if! What if? What if we changed our goal? What if we changed our motive - to fight for those around us! To fight for the lost, for those in bondage, for those lost in their sin, for those in chains to a cult, for those who don’t understand or grasp truth! What if we were simply kind to our checker and inquired about her day and identified with her? What if we did something special for our school officials? What if we took a plate of cookies to our neighbors with an ornament that really shared who Jesus was? What if we began to ask God how to fight for those around us and begin to wage war for their souls - remembering that they are not our enemy? They are not the object of our frustration, but the enemy who has captured their minds and stolen their hearts.

Lest you think I’m anti-Christmas, I’m not. I enjoy remembering a long-awaited promise being fulfilled. The promises I hope for in my own life are but a shadow to help me identify with a people who had waited thousands of years for their promise - their Messiah - a people who hadn’t even heard from their God in over 400 years. I’m touched by the simplicity of Christ’s birth and what God becoming flesh means for my life - my Savior! But this year, I left almost all our decorations put away. I didn’t see the point. If I want my family to remember Jesus, then should I fix their eyes on over-spending? Should I allow them to concentrate on what they might be *getting*? Should I distract them with countless knick-knacks that really say “It’s winter!” rather than saying, “Let’s remember Jesus!” Do we really believe what we say? Do we even understand our own message? Or do we just blindly get caught up in a movement.

This goes way beyond Christmas, but stirs us up uncomfortably throughout the year. If our goal is to fight for the muslims, the homosexuals, and the atheists, how would our perspective change? How would our methods change? How different could our world be by next Christmas if each and every Christ-follower became more concerned with the motives, methods, and message of Christ than protecting the traditions began by a Roman emporer? What if we truly embraced Who HE is and what He wants for others.

It would be wiser for those of us who claim Christianity to throw aside any concerns of fighting for our religion - to demand that the world respect us and our beliefs, to demand that our sacred Scriptures be left on the halls of courthouses and demand that our nativity scenes be left on the lawns of city halls - and begin to fight for the things Jesus fought for 2,000 years ago: the souls of men! He is still fighting for them today. Win the souls, and there is no need to fight for the religion. Fight for the religion, and never win the souls.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, AND Happy Holidays! - after all that means Holy days, does it not?
Love, Ang
Colossians 2:16-17

The Best Day Ever

This morning began by dividing up a huge chore list by five people. Each boy had three chores, which seemed unbearable. The only comfort was seeing 10 or so in mom's list. It was an experiment and training time to help prepare the family for mom returning to work. I have an interview tomorrow, and a for sure job in January if it will work with Bill's new schedule. Both are temporary, less than ideal jobs that will just help tide us over for a little while.

So after vacuuming and dusting the whole house, starting laundry, emptying all the trash, shoveling the walks, cleaning the bathrooms, putting away clean clothes, and picking up our bedrooms, we began to bake. We did our traditional peppernuts, gingerbread men, and skillet candy today. I ran out of brown sugar, so the heath candy will have to wait. Later in the day, we cleaned the basement, organized a bunch of papers, sorted some toys, folded some laundry, and iced the gingerbread men.

The reviews from the boys, "This has been the best day of my life so far!" Which tells me that a LOT of work won't damage any boy, when you mix a LOT of fun in with it. We accomplished a lot, the cookie jars are full, the house is clean, and memories were made.

A few funnies...

Well, this isn't super funny, but it does speak of the life with boys. I tried to help Riley climb on the roof to shovel it off today, but he was nervous. I wasn't going to force him, so I helped him back down. Later, while I was in the shower, Clayton and his friend stopped by from playing in the friend's yard. Riley asked for *their* help to get up. When he got to the top, he began to throw snowballs at them below. Now, the logical response would have been to walk away - out of reach of the flying snow. But, of course, a battle had to ensue.
Older boys: Stop throwing snowballs at us!
Riley keeps throwing.
Older boys: Riley! Stop or we're taking down the ladder.
Riley keeps throwing. Older boys take down ladder and leave to go back to the other boys' house. Riley is on the roof for 30 minutes or so in the cold with no way down. Later the older boys explain that they warned him, and Riley obviously wanted them to take down the ladder or he would have stopped!

Last week, Clayton discovered that noone has ever been able to eat a plain teaspoon of raw cocoa powder. Don't ask me how he found this out, but guess what that meant? Challenge! Clayton needed to be the first one ever to eat a whole teaspoon of cocoa powder. I suggested he do it over the sink (predicting the outcome). Of course, spew! spit! sputter! "That's awful!" Yes, there is a reason noone has ever done it before.

I wanted to share a song with you that is ministering to me. Travis Cottrell is one of my favorite worship leaders, song writers. He has a new album out that is uniquely him. Not often do we hear this kind of voice in modern, Christian music. It is a touch of Josh Groban, touch of Steve Green, and all Jesus. :D Anyway, if you click on his site on the right of my blog, you can listen to "Your Word Is Life to Me." Powerful!

Our Very Own Polar Express

I explained to the boys today that our mini-van was our very own polar express...covered in snow, with formidible tires that will get us anywhere. We treck out into the blizzard, fill it with presents, and come back home. :D

I began my shopping today. I'm almost finished. I have three people to buy for still. God has provided in amazing ways to make this Christmas include gift giving, and it has been fun to just enjoy it. It was a long day, but not overly stressful. I felt behind, but honestly I think I'll do this again. I would rather have one long day than think about shopping for six weeks! It really helps keep my focus on the right thing.

Our women's minister spoke at MOPS this last week and said that some years you have to purpose to not do anything that doesn't help you remember why you're celebrating. I think this is one of those years at our house - and frankly, I'm enjoying it!

...Speaking of our new women's minister...Her name is Santha. She came over to visit with me after the kids were all tucked in. It was comical to begin with. The kids over heard me telling Bill she was coming over and were all in an uproar about Santa coming to their house last night and laughing at Bill for referring to Santa as a "her". We cleared it all up, and then they were practicing her name trying to get the "th" in the right place. It was coming out as "Zantha," "Thantha," and all manner of things. I told her that if she had moved here any month besides December, it would be a whole different story. :D

Anyway...she was a total encouragement to me. I'm just in awe when God puts someone in my life that can just see through and speak truth - speak into me. We talked about my struggle to just be a lover vs. a worker. She asked me what my love language was. Interesting. I know it is quality time, and I do love to spend time with God - but I'm such a trained "doer." She challenged me to stop doing and to love God in my language...to learn to just sit before him and not "do" anything...to read the same passage every night for a week and just ask God to speak. She affirmed over and over that she just saw that God was pruning me, and pruning didn't mean that dead things were being cut off. Pruning means that life-bearing branches, good branches get cut off in order for even better fruit. She told me over and over that she really believed that God had something for me that was beyond my wildest dreams - things I hadn't even dared to dream (which is hard for me to comprehend because I have a pretty wild imagination!), but that this may be simply a season where God teaches me to love Him and not do anything. We talked of my struggle to "get over myself" because I know that that is the hangup. If I was only concerned about God's glory and His purposes, then I wouldn't have anything to worry about. But I'm so worried about my own interest, my own desires - even desires I believe came from Him - but if they are from Him, if it is His plan, He won't let me miss it! I want my timing! But she challenged me that it is pointless to focus on "getting over myself" because that is still focusing on me. My focus needs to be loving God.

I can't tell you how blessed I feel to have such an amazing support system around me. I'm so priveleged to be on a women's ministry team at one of the fastest-growing, cutting edge, churches in the nation...to have the most amazing, God-chasing, Christ-following women who encourage and love without condemnation, but continuously call it like it is and challenge me to not settle for nice, surface answers. It is amazing to have two or three people grab me and hold me and pray with me before I can walk across a room....to have friends call and pray over the phone that they will be strong enough to hold my arms up when I can't hold them up any longer. I am blessed.

Birthdays!

Celebrating Jesus birth...









Celebrating Bill's birthday...



Celebrating Riley's birthday...







It should be explained that Riley wanted a Spiderman wordsearch on his cake. Fortunately, they do make markers that work on frosting, and his friends got to do the word search before having cake.

It was a busy, eventful weekend. I had much more to say, but I'M TIRED!, blogspot lost my whole first post, I still have to work on my resume, and I've typed the word "having" about eight times before I could get it right!

The magic of a Bookstore

After a very hectic morning, we went to a school Gingerbread House party. Using homemade powdered sugar icing, we attempted to build and decorate. The kids had a great time, but they'd rater eat it than use it to decorate for Christmas.

After dinner we headed for Borders. The Coeur d'Alene High School choir ensemble was singing carols, and author was there to read a portion of her newest Christmas book, and the store was passing out samples of mochas and cookie treats. The kids weren't near as impressed with the event as I thought they would be, so we went and sat at the coffee bar for a treat. I asked the ladies if they could make my boys some of those sample size drinks in mint hot cocoa, and they whipped them up right with whipped cream, chocolate drizzle, and crushed candy canes.







Ian, thinking he was getting a coffee treat, remarked about how good it was and then explained to Hayden that in heaven we would be able to drink as much coffee as we wanted. I've always worried that I wasn't passing my passions on to my kids. Guess so! :D

Also on the way tonight, we saw the word, "NOEL" in lights in someone's yard. The boys were sounding it out and asking what it meant. I really couldn't remember. Ian pondered a little while and said, "I think I know what it means. I think it means, "know stuff well."

In the world of writing...I was pondering some things tonight. I watched the book author at Borders struggle to sell herself. I felt her pain. She shared the interesting process it is to get into publishing. I identified. She read a little, but the kids there weren't paying any attention. She finally just kind of stopped and nervously giggled about how it wasn't really meant for the age of the kids who showed up. She was ready to sell and sign books. I think she sold one. I followed my boys to the back of the store and stared at all the shelves of books. How many books are lined up on those shelves. Every now and then, one is turned where a shopper can see the cover, and it might catch their eye. But most are just binding out, in a row, nothing to stand out. The shopper must be looking for a particular author to even notice them, really. I was immediately humbled. There are so many books in this world. There really isn't need for one more - unless God says there is a need - that the message is timely and valid. It is all up to Him!

But I also thought of something else. Some friends and I were talking today after one of those rather intense moments of fellowship, about how much we need each other's perspectives. It is so true. You see, as believers, we are like the books on those shelves. Some are just binding out, not real noticeable. A few are on display, with eye-catching covers. But every book has a whole story behind it's writing. Every author trudged a rocky path to get the book on the shelf. Each story says something different. Not one book is exactly like another book. MOST books have value and have a different way to enrich a reader's life.

There is something magical about a bookstore to me. I could stay for hours. I could spend every extra dime. But you would rarely go to a bookstore that just sold one book, or even a bookstore that only carried the work of one author. Even Dr. Suess only merits a small section - Eric Carle a shelf. One book doesn't make the store magical, but without each individual book, there would be no magic in the store. So it is with the individuals that make up the body of Christ. We are nothing on our own, but without the individuals there is no church.

So one more day of Christmas stuff still in the tubs and the tree sitting on the porch. There is always tomorrow! :D

Big Week!

This has been a BIG week! The snow started right on cue, the last week of November, just as you expect in North Idaho. We enjoyed HOURS in the snow. Clayton, Ian, and Riley became quite the little snowboarders in the backyard. Snow forts were built, sleds were broken in, snowmen were built, and the Costco size box of hot cocoa was put to use.

Then came Sunday. It warmed up to the fifties and rained and rained. Everything is green. The snow is gone. The sleds wait patiently on the porch, and the boys wait not so patiently in the house. A sledding birthday party was revamped, and on we go.

Monday, about 4 a.m., we awoke to the merry sounds of dripping water. The arcaic drain on the roof that is supposed to allow all water from the roof to flow through our pipes to the sewer was backed up and the water was in the hall, the kitchen cupboards, the walls, and the basement floor. Bill climbed to the roof and begin to push the water off. I mopped and sopped until all the children awoke to the strange sounds above them. But no fear! They needed up anyway for this was the day we would head back to Sacred Heart for one more big, scary test, to see if Riley's surgery was completely successful...

AND IT WAS!! Riley is due for an ultrasound in a year, but is doing great! Praise God!

We stopped at the mall to see Daddy at work, got the brothers from the Brisset's, ran a few errands and headed home just in time for another blessing. Snow tires! After a few hours of car swapping and countless car seat switcheroos, a dear friend arranged for snow tires to be put on our van at no cost to us - or him! Thank you, Jesus! Then, we actually had a real live date without kids. It was a little rushed, but needed.

With all that has been on the horizon, I actually took a day off from MOPS. I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. The normal dirt around here is bad enough, but add the water mess, thinset dust from the shower construction, the Christmas tubs that desperately want to be opened and have their contents dispersed, the dishes from a dinner at our house Sunday night that never really got cleaned up - and we were a real mess. Honestly, sometimes, I don't know why I clean. I know I could clean all day every day and never run out of things to clean. But it does feel good to escape to one corner of the house that has been worked on. I cleaned our room top to bottom, caught up laundry, made scads of phone calls, and ran a billion errands.

...which was great because today began a whole new set of things to do. We have three birthdays this week to pull off, so there are parties to organize, cakes to bake and get in the freezer, etc. MOPS Steering tomorrow, so details to organize, brunch to make.



Bill hiked to the ridge this morning where there was still snow, and cut down this tree, and carried it back. Can you hear Tim the Toolman yelling his manly, "Arrh! Arrh! Arrh!"?! Hopefully, we'll start thinking about Christmas in the next few days!



After school, we went to visit Anthony in his brand new apartment!! Yeah!...and then off to see Summer and chat a bit...back to the house for a quick dinner and visit with our old friend Jessica Gonzalez while she breezed through town with Justice and Tag!



So tomorrow is Steering Team and our Christmas party, Buddy's appointment for shots, a school outing making gingerbread houses, and hopefully a little school.

In the midst, I've had some great time with God. I've been working through this study on anger, and I keep hoping for some great insight and new suggestions that will snap me out of my sinful ways, but alas, it seems to always be the same answer: PRIDE! I'm soaking up time in the word, time in books, time with other believers who challenge me to grow and pray and seek and trust. I've been overwhelmed and blessed by so many again this week. God is good.

On other fronts....

Bill will be 39 this week! He is busy finishing our shower, hiking mountains to retrieve trees, working an odd schedule, preparing to sing in the Christmas choir and ensemble, and fixing our windshield wipers over and over and over again.

Clayton is growing way too fast, graduating from DARE on Friday, enjoying football on the PS2, and doing well in school.

Riley is turning eight this week, lost another tooth today, and taking up a steady diet of pencils.

Ian remarked to us Monday morning when they got up so early, that it was very dark for daytime. He told Hayden that maybe God was still sleeping and forgot to switch it to day.

Hayden - when we loaded up to head out Monday morning, Hayden was the first to the van. Noone else came and got in, and he was sitting by himself in the dark. He came stomping, tearfully, back in the house, shaking his head, and griping at me that he was all alone out there and noone was with him - noone but God! I tried not to laugh, but it was hard. I'm so glad He's learning now that God is always there!!

Sometimes I feel like my whole life is just page after page of "real mom moments." In fact, I'm amazed whenever I get a hint that someone thinks I'm some kind of a superstar and have my act together. I'm such a screw up! I don't mean that in the sense that I really need to see how much Jesus loves me or something. I mean, I'm just a real person - a very real person that makes a zillion mistakes a day. One thing I totally enjoy is having MOPS moms to the house. After about 15 minutes of watching my kids run from one end of the house to the other, screaming, and hitting each other over the head with various household objects, they very assuredly say, "I'm so glad to see that these things happen at your house." LOL! You bet they happen at my house! In fact, I often tell other moms, "I exist to make others feel better about themselves."

So today I was thinking that I really should get Bill to help me unload the 55 gallon rubbermaid tub from the truck - the tub filled with my auction day leftovers, purchases, and freebies. I had driven home after MOPS Tuesday, worrying about it sliding around in the back, as there were some breakables, and laughing to myself about the pink princess shower curtain that I'm going to sneakily put up in the boys bathroom while they're sleeping some night. Today, Bill and the boys assured me that there was no such tub in the back of the truck. They had loaded and unloaded snowboards and sleds to go to Cherry Hill. Bill had loaded and unloaded tools to help a friend with a tile job today. I really believed they were all just being blind. How can you miss a 55 gallon tub. But alas, it was not there. Then I thought for sure that it must have been stolen from the back of the truck while Bill had it parked at the mall yesterday, since his camper shell doesn't lock. I was really miffed because 1/2 of my Christmas shopping was in that tub. Well, o.k. I've only bought two things, but one of them was in the tub. However, Bill called from church tonight and informed me that the tub was in the church lobby and had been since Tuesday (which amazes me in and of itself because there are way too many people in and out of that lobby to ignore a tub of that size and not do something about it). Apparently, I NEVER loaded it! Good grief!

Ian has been making a book about his family. Yesterday we talked about the jobs people in our family have. He decided (among a few other things) that Daddy's job was to work at the mall. Mommy's job is to pick up things.:P Clayton's job is to clean his room. His job was to comb his hair with his own comb, and Hayden's job was to play. Here are a few things about Ian for his book.

If I had three wishes....to have a big flying ship that we can all take rides in, to have a dirt bike with everything on it - even a kickstand, to have a garge on our house that you get to from the door. (Apparently, the male need for a garage starts young)

One thing I do well is....fighting.

I want to be better at......karate.

It makes me angry when....Hayden cries when we're trying to go to sleep.

Something I would like to see....mom with blue eye shadow, brown finger nails, pink toenails, and red lips.

The happiest day of my life was when...I haven't had one yet (poor child).

Tonight while discussing the story of Noah and the Ark, Ian was amazed at the thought that there had not been rain before the flood. "Well, they could have made rain!" he said. "How?" I asked "They could have gotten water in a bowl and thrown it up in the air." Then he proceeded to draw an ark with animals in it. "Ian, what kind of animals are in your ark?" "Birds, rats, and ghost-es."

I'm really not adjusting well to our new, chaotic schedule. I've been trying to do better at making breakfast, since that's the only meal we're all home for now. But if I stay up until Bill gets home so we have a minute, and focus on breakfast in the morning, I don't get a shower until afternoon. I can't seem to figure this out. Tonight was his first night home for dinner in awhile. I made a nice one, and thought the crockpot was so pretty, I had to take a picture.



I also just figured out today that the photo card from my phone *does* work in my computer, so I will be posting more pictures. Duh! In fact, here are a few, just because. :D







Last night after a very long day - well few days, I put my feet in a tub of hot water and soaked while I immersed myself in God's Word. I studied the life of Asa in 2 Chronicles 15-16. I was struck with 15:17 "Although he did not remove the high places from Israel, Asa's heart was fully committed to the Lord all his life." That verse stood out to me when I looked back over things because Asa doesn't end his life well. He began to trust in what his money could do, to buy support, instead of trusting God. A seer came to him and said, "You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war." (16:9) He was so angry at the messenger, that he had him thrown in prison and "brutally oppressed some of the people." (16:10) He gets a terrible disease and only seeks medical help without seeking the Lord. Yet God's Word says, "Asa's heart was fully committed to the Lord all his life." I think it helps me see over and over again how our hearts can be committed fully to the Lord, but we are still screw ups! We can still veer just a little off course, but head a horrible direction.

Sometimes it feels that is where we are now. Bill and I set out with really big plans last spring. We were passionate about things God had called us too. We tried desperately to walk in obedience no matter how silly or scary things felt to us or looked to others. We lost some relationships. We endured some persecution. We've had our share of rough knocks. We've messed up. We've made mistakes. We've won victories, and we've broken bondages. For every bondage we've broken, we've uncovered another. Looking at our lives now, it seems like we've accomplished nothing we've set out to do. It appears we are farther from our goals, that our lives are way too stressful, that we are even broker than we were to began with, that our relationships are struggling. There is some truth to those things. But, the bigger truth is that God is stirring up things that have always needed stirred up. He is digging deeper than He's ever dug. He's making us intensely uncomfortable and forcing us to deal. with. stuff!

I personally, tend to get very impatient with the process. I'm a lion/captian/type A personality. Our motto is: "Just do it!" I like to get things done and see results. I live for accomplishment, and judge my value by what I've accomplished. But in reading "Boundaries in Marriage", something jumped off the page at me.

Adjust to Reality Both Jerry and Genie had to reorganize their life. They had to give up some of their ambitious plans for a while until their problems were better. Their original plan had included two fully functioning people, and they did not have that, at least for a while. So they agreed to cut back on what they wanted until they got to a better place.

Wow! That is totally where we are at. Our hopes and dreams haven't changed much, but truth is, there is much stress in taking a leap of faith. Financial burdens, uncertainties, stress of relationships, etc. takes a toll on a person, a marriage, a family. So! Right now it feels like all we are doing is working on things. Working on being whole as individuals, working on breaking bondages, working on repacing lies with truth, working on our marriage, working on the health of our children, working on getting out of debt, working on building stability, working on our faith. Very few of those things produce immediate or even tangible results. But we know that God is at work in us. It is obvious. Painful. But obvious. We are still two people whose hearts are fully committed to the Lord. We may have veered off course, howbeit unintentional; but we are still fully committed and willing to step back to work on the "us" before we work any more on the "what." Sigh.

I was deeply encouraged by a friend a few weeks ago as I expressed sorrow over broken relationships with some who didn't understand some of the steps we took over the spring and summer. I feel as I did back in the days of my depression as I prayed Psalm 69:6 "May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, The Lord Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel." My friend exhorted me that Bill and I were doing just what God said to do. We were "working out our faith." God's Word challenges us to excerise our faith - to work it out. The individual things we did, whether right or wrong, aren't the biggest issue -but our willingness to "work out our faith" (with fear and trembling, I might add). That is so true. We are working out our faith, and I pray that others watching will not focus on our individual actions, hoping for a three step plan of how (or how not) to follow God -but see that we are "working out our faith."

In the midst of all of that, we are adjusting to Bill's new schedule, and I am looking for work -something I never thought I'd be doing at this point in life. But, barring any miracles, it is a necessity - not for Christmas money or extra fun. But just to make it while Bill's new job begins to build and be all we hope it will be. I can't imagine life getting anymore hectic. Try adding two parents working opposite schedules and passing off the four kids. Honestly, I'm at peace - not terribly excited. But I'm at peace - and grateful for so much. Grateful for the strengthening of our marriage. Grateful for the internal work God is doing. Though I stare at half-written book proposals with heavy sighs, really believing God didn't create me entirely to make coffee or clean up after others, I can only rest in the truth of God's Word. Last night, with my feet soaking and Darlene Zschech singing to me, "Your love is Better Than Life," God gave me Psalm 57:2. "I cry out (summon, call out, invite you to be a guest) to God Most High (El Elyon), to God, who fulfills his purpose for me." Praise God! I know I can trust you!

My Beloved

I would really encourage you to click into Kari Jobe's music on the right side of my blog and listen to "My Beloved." Let it wash over you like a love song from your Savior straight to You. Oh, He loves you!...then you can just let her music play on because it's all good!

God has been doing a new thing in my life. I've been overwhelmed and amazed at the gifts the Father has been extending to me through His body. I'll share more in a minute, but I want to catch you up to where my mind is going.

Many of you have asked about the process of publishing and where my book is at. Very few publishers (in fact I've only found one) accept a proposal directly. Most publishers use a writer's agency to look for new works and refer you to the agency they use. Every agency has their own proposal requirements. Some want a certain word count. Some want specific chapters. They all have slightly different elements to the questions they ask. But everyone wants to know some basic things. Who you are as an author, what are your qualifications, why would anyone read a book you wrote, how do you propose we market this, why is your book different enough than everything else on the market that it deserves to be printed, etc - and they all charge a fee. MOPS, Int'l publishes 4-5 books a year, so it is a tight market. You either have exactly what they want that year, or you don't. They *do* let you submit directly to them at no cost. So that is where I started. It was an experience. They said they would give an answer in 8-12 weeks. They waited 24. They were very complimentary to my ideas, but it just wasn't what they were looking for this time. Part of me thinks they knew that 24 weeks ago, and could have simply looked at my format and said that 24 weeks ago. But, that is the industry.

So now it is back to writing more proposals. It is really torturous...especially for me as a homeschooled, GED'd, no college qualifications individual to fill in the "education" blank. Then to stare at "qualifications" and know that really, my best ones are life experience - living what I'm encouraging others to find. How do you tell someone, "Look, you just need to listen to me. I really have found out something here!" I can throw in a title here and there, but really, the truth is: I really am a nobody - an unpublished, hopeful looking for a chance.

One of my greatest encouragements in life has always been:

2 Corinthians 3:1-3 "Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you? You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts."

It seems my whole life I've been a little short on the credential end of things. My parents chose a completely non-traditional route for our family when I was young, focusing on 2 Corinthians 3, which is truth - but even the Christian community wants credentials. I was never allowed to serve with our denominational mission board as a young adult because I lacked college credits. I wasn't going to even be permitted to be assigned with my husband as his wife (not even having a title myself) because I lacked college credits. My home church paid college student after college student to come for the summer and work with the youth. The year they asked me to serve, it was for free. I cleaned houses to pay my own way. Then there are the times you are overlooked simply because you are a woman married to the one who is really getting paid to do the work. The bottom line is, I have this feeling deep down that my ministry, work, and efforts have never been validated with the title or paycheck that they may have merited. I've missed out on opportunities because I was simply not given the chance. My credentials really are the lives that speak, those who have walked beside me. All of that makes selling myself seem like a mountainous task.

So this week when a new friend told me that she feels God has asked her to make me her ministry at this point in life, I was overwhelmed. We've began praying together on a regular basis. It's great to have someone live close to me. When she called and asked if I could drop my kids off for a couple of hours, so I could start attacking a new propsal in silence, I was speachless. You see, without a laptop, I have to write at home. It's not like I can run off to Starbucks and write. I need my computer, my resources all right here. Everyone else must leave. :D I don't have grandparents in town or friends who live close who can sike themselves up for four boys during the day. So my friend and her husband loved on my kids and I started a new battle *er* proposal this week. It is just a start, but I'm grateful.

On the phone this week, I was talking with one of our mentor moms for MOPS, brainstorming how to best use them and make their ministry full. She suggested that maybe she was supposed to be mentoring me. Well! There's an idea! So we plan to get together one on one soon.

Then another friend walked into MOPS last week with the impression she was supposed to love on me that day. She brought me Starbucks. It sounds silly and simple. But there is nothing simple about carrying a baby on your front; leading a toddler behind; carrying a diaper bag, a bag of auction items, and a gift; and juggling two coffees. That is the life of a MOPS mom. I mentioned carrying a gift because the coffe wasn't her only gift to me. She knew I was trying to switch over to Mary Kay, and she used to be a consultant. She was bringing some auction items, but she also brought me a bag full of makeup and goodies because she remembered how hard it was to not have money and wish you could make yourself pretty and not be able to do anything about it. (Don't worry, Cassie, no skincare. You're still my consultant. :D) I can't tell you what that meant to me. It wasn't just stuff. It was my colors, and items specific to what I was wishing for - like getting rid of age spots on my hands. Only God can do that. He used my friend, but I see it as a direct gift from Him.

If that wasn't enough, another mom who lives close (and who God first miraculously connected me with a year ago at Mc Donalds!) called and asked if maybe we could start swapping babysitting for each other one night a week, so we could each have a date night. For real! A weekly date night? Man! Can it get any better?

I could go on, but I'm just really grateful for the body of Christ. I was thinking this week about how men are turned on by a woman's body -just the sight of it. God is turned on by His body - the body of Christ. It is beautiful to Him, just the sight of it....and I'm more deeply falling in love with the things He is falling in love with.

O.K..'nough of that. Now for a little humor.

Riley: "Mom! I think I just hatched an idea."

Riley: "Mom if a queen has a baby girl, it is a princess, right?"
Me: "Yes"
Riley: "Well, if she has two baby girls are they both princesses?"
Me: "Yes"
Riley: "That's not right!"

Editors note: My boys are sick of princesses. Ian's literature has been full of them, our own Christian radio station has been advertizing Disney on Ice which is all about princess and showing up early to be a princess for the night or something(what's up with that anyway?), and now Stephen Curtis (I believe?) has a new song out about dancing with Cinderella (which I think is precious, but my boys just can't believe it!). Anyway....There new little joke with each other is singing some Barbie song: "I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world. It's fantastic, even though I'm plastic!"

Ian: "Mom, my hand is really warm. Perhaps it is too warm." (Perhaps?! Where did that come from)

Mommy Moment: I was enjoying me new body scrub and wash in the shower yesterday - really feeling like a queen. I even shaved. AFter getting out of the shower though, I was hit with reality. Yes, I still have the last coat of summer polish 1/3 left on my toenails; and yes, I really did somehow forget to shave half of one of my legs!

Today
Today is perfect. Well, for me anyway. Bill had to leave for work at 6 a.m., and I don't think he feels that is perfect. Funny how schedules in retail change. Bill had every other day off last week. His new schedule has him working from Friday to Wednesday. This week, he will do some tile for a friend on his days off and then head back to work. At least his schedule is consistent from now to after Christmas, which means I may be calling Starbucks to see if I can help dig us out of this h.o.l.e.

But today, I woke up to a four year old crawling under the covers to snuggle. To me the day always begins the night before anyway. So dancing to Nora Jones in the candlelight with my beloved last night makes today start really well. The boys have done their chores and are busy sketching all their ideas of how to rearrange the living room. The task was too daunting to me, so it has been fun watching their minds work and how they draw things out - and what they forget. Like Ian worrying that the t.v. might fall out the window with his design, and Clayton forgetting about the Christmas tree (the whole purpose for rearranging). O.K. Time to go put their drawings to work!

Thanksgiving "Pre" and "Post"

Pre
The day before Thanksgiving is that wonderful time when your kitchen looks like a war zone, you run sixteen sinks full of dishwater, and you learn wonderful new ways to work of the calories. Turkey lifting for the biceps, running up and down the stairs to the deep freeze for the legs, peeling butternut squash for the forearms...let me just tell you, I've figured out why I've never found a skin care product with butternut extract in it. It will turn your skin into sandpaper in minutes. I think I will affectionately call it sponge squash - or leach squash from now on.

The Day
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I hope you did to. I was pretty bummed in the beginning about not making it to Oregon with my parents and brothers. However, a little reflection brought some things home to me. Thanksgiving wasn't originally a family event. It was a gathering of those who had survived the year to thank God for preserving them and providing for them. I learned this week that the very first gathering was more like a last meal for the doomed than a feast. It was eating up what was left and assuming they'd die like the rest. Then, William Bradford abolished the socialist form of government they'd been operating on (everyone turning in their crops to a common bank) and opened a free market. Then the men were motivated to work. They realized they could really get somewhere from their efforts. Ah! Freedom! The next harvest, after the free market was introduced, was the first official Thanksgiving - a feast of plenty. There are so many applications here. But let's just say that it was a privilege to spend this Thanksgiving with friends who have trudged through the hard year with us, who have prayed with us, watch us break chains and find freedom. It was a joy to celebrate with those who have survived the year with us and thank God for what He has done, and what He is still going to do. Thank you God!

Memorable moment:
Every Thanksgiving needs something to be remembered by. My favorite childhood one was when Grandpa Lawrence and Granny Pat dressed as pilgrims and made Indian feather headbands for all us grandkids. My favorite young adult one was coming home from Russia and being overwhelmed at the amount of food available to us for one meal, when so many others in the world are starving. Another favorite was a year of hardship and transition for my cousin and I when we took our kids to the space center for the day and went to Cracker Barrel for different - totally against tradition.

This year, we started a fire. The broiling of the marshmallows on the sweet potatoes started a kitchen blaze - which Riley spotted first! When it was done, there was baking soda all over the sweet potatoes, stove, floor, turkey, you name it! We scraped off the sweet potatoes and ate them anyway. The turkey was mostly fine, and we had a lot of good laughs with friends.

Post
The day after Thanksgiving is that wonderful time when your kitchen looks like a war zone, you run sixteen sinks full of dishwater, and you learn wonderful new ways...hey! This sounds familiar. This year, I opted to run to one store at 9 a.m. for one sale item. We haven't thought about Christmas much, and I just couldn't make myself join the hubub. Instead, I've been catching up laundry, cleaning, and thinking through the whole "where to put the couch to use the fireplace and set up a tree" scenario....then off to church tonight where I will meet my husband fresh from his first year in retail on the day after Thanksgiving!

Kid funnies:
This week I was loading the truck for MOPS, Ian and Hayden in tow. I heard Hayden say, "I'm gonna be GOD!" Then Ian, "and I'm Jesus." I wondered what on earth they were talking about, finished situating stuff in the truck and turned to see them wondering dramatically through the smoke from the tailpipe, as they repeated, "I'm God." "I'm Jesus."

Reflection
I wanted to share with you the article my dad wrote for his church newsletter because it's just good. :D

William Scofield has a Thanksgiving message from Psalm 66 called THANKSGIVING IN THREE TENSES.
1st, we need to thank God for yesterday. In Psalm 66:5-6 the Psalmist thanks God for His past works like creation and His faithfulness to Israel. What past works of God in your life do you need to thank God for? How about the family God has put you in, His salvation, His protection and provision, the benefits of church, etc.?
2nd, we need to thank God for today. In Psalm 66:8-9, the Psalmist admonishes God's people to "let the sound of His praises be heard." God keeps us alive and does not allow our feet to slip. We have the opportunity today to praise God for His faithfulness, grace, mercy, love, forgiveness, and guidance. You cannot relive yesterday, but you can make today count and your praises ring.
3rd, we need to thank God for tomorrow. In Psalm 66:4, the Psalmist looks forward to the day when all the earth will worship and praise God. The story of your life is not finished. God is in control and will continue to perfect you until the day of Christ Jesus. Your future is a as bright as the promises of God. Praise God that you are not where you once were, and will not be where you are now. Praise God for the future.
We have much to praise God for. At least that is the way I see it from where I sit. Press On. Pastor Dan

What in the world?

Today didn't go quite like I'd hoped. We had all planned to go to Post Falls, take Ian to a party, drop a truck load off at the Thrift Store, and hang out until Ian was done. Bill took the van to work because it gets better gas mileage, so we headed off for our day of adventure. However, the truck wipers kept quitting. Now, mind you, we just got the van wipers fixed. The truck however, we have to stop and open the hood and bang on the little box to get them going again. No huge deal. Except it happened three times in a mile, and I soon realized I would never make it to Post Falls, and would probably put us all in danger if I attempted to get on on the interstate. So alas, we headed back home. Uncle Jonathan came to rescue Ian's party transportation, and we spent the afternoon at home in the gloomy, dark, rainyness.

Also this week, someone left a blue crayon in their pocket, ruining an entire load of clothes in the dryer. I have been given some hopeful instructions from Mom, the laundry doctor, and may be able to rescue some of it if I have a spare day to work on them!

All in all, it has been a great weak, though. Again, lots of encouraging ministry times, meetings, prayer and coffee and tea with friends. My friend Kjirstine enlightened me to the idea of using my french press to brew loose tea and introduced me to white tea...something flavored with white chocolate and vanilla. It was delic!

God has blessed me with two people this week that feel called to come alongside and pray for me and lift me up. One is an older woman, and one a Barnabas runner. I'm so excited, and grateful, and feeling blessed, and overwhelmed, and in awe of a God Who loves me so much that He would call others to minister specifically to me. Amazing!

Who are you, and what have you done with our kids?

This morning we were awakened suddenly by the sound of the dishwasher being emptied. We lay there quietly for a minute, wondering if someone had broken into our house. But in a flash, three well-dressed boys entered our room asking what their chores were. We knew instantly that something was drastically wrong and rushed upstairs to check the locks on the doors, certain that our children had been kidnapped and replaced with way too helpful robot-like, clone droids. O.K. Maybe too much Star Wars going on around here. But it was eventful, none the less.

Riley asked me last week if I was around in the 1700's.

I've had a hard time getting into Thanksgiving this year. My whole family is gathering in Oregon, but Bill works until 9:00 Wednesday night and again at 6:00 Friday morning. SO, we won't be going. There was no way I was cooking all by myself for five men (four little, one big), who have no interest in helping and will turn up their noses to most everything but the rolls and canned cranberry sauce. But thank goodness for MOPS, because MOPS friends can even save Thanksgiving. Three of us moms who all had the same sentiments about slaving in the kitchen for those who are more interested in football and making the world's larget beanbag towers, are banding together to create a memorable event. We will also probably be inviting some others who God has brought into our lives and have great need. So, even though I'm truly thankful for so much, I'm finally feeling like celebrating a day called Thanksgiving.

Hayden is Four!

Today is Hayden's fourth birthday. Last night we celebrated by having dinner and cake with family. The cake is from Episode 3 of Star Wars...something about hot lava. I don't know. I've not seen it, and I don't think all those characters were in that scene, but it is what came in the box. The important instructions from Hayden were to include Obi-wan and light sabors.

A couple of funnies from the day....When asked what he wanted for birthday dinner, he requested pizza AND chicken. Strange request, but I made both. When it was time to eat, I asked him what he wanted on his plate, "I'll just have salad," he said. :D

We gave him a green sled which Bill wore on his head and told him it was a hat. When we gave it to him, he put it on his head too. :D

I promise to post pictures soon, but blogspot seems to be having problems tonight. sigh.

Another other random thought....
Water is best when enjoyed from a glass - not a plastic cup, not a mug, but a glass.

Random Tidbits

I've spent my evening watching the Democratic Fundraising Dinner (well, inbetween rocking a child with a boo boo on his hand, a little "Charlotte's Web", hide and seek tag, etc.). I find that I am way out of the loop on current events. I personally don't believe that Repbulicans have a strong enough candidate to undo the frustrations with the current administrations. I don't really claim to be a die-hard republican. I really believe in voting for the canidate....I have my own personal favorite, but I'm not sure he really has a chance. Yes, I said *he*, so that gives one small hint. But I feel it is good to see what we're up against. We are up against strong voices with the world's strong sense of reason.

I really wish children's shoes would come with a special tag that says, "These laces can be replaced with 36" laces, etc. I'm so tired of buying the wrong size since the charts on the packages are NOT intended for children's shoes.

I came out of Walmart last night and saw a replica of the 1980's model, white, LTD station wagon that I began my driving career in. It made me smile.

Sometimes we do things over and over just because we've always done them that way, and there really is no reason...like the family who had the tradition of cutting the end off the ham before baking. The husband asked his wife one day why she always did that and she said that it was just the way her mom always did it, but she wasn't sure why. She called her mom and asked her why she always cut the end off the ham. Her mom gave pretty much the same answer, "Well, my mom always did. I don't really know why, but her ham was always good." Next time the family was together, the woman and her mother approached grandma. "Why *did* you always cut the end off your ham before you baked it?" "Well," Grandma replied "I never had a pan big enough to fit the whole ham in."

But sometimes we do things over and over because there is a purpose. Last night I forgot that purpose. I have a shopping routing. Walk into Walmart, grab a cart, walk straight to the back of the grocery section, and work my way to the front. For whatever random reason, last night I decided to start in the front. Maybe I was just tired. It didn't take long before I realized that I was going to have to shop really fast if I was going to finish before my frozen foods thawed out....and then there was the matter of always moving the bananas off the bottom and back to the top. Yes, cereal boxes and cheese blocks make much better foundational items in the cart.

When I was working in Chicago, I had a wonderful boss. He engrained so much in me about always looking for how to do things better, faster, cheaper, etc. There seemed to always be a way to improve. I'll be forever grateful for that instilled mindset. Now I continuously find myself evaluating what I do, what I lead others to do. How can we make things better? Is there a die-hard purpose in the way we do it now? Sometimes there is, and it is best left alone....and sometimes you just need a bigger pan for your ham!

This week has been full and wonderfull. It's been one of those weeks where you find yourself running crazy, not sure when you'll be able to breathe. But it has been balanced with great fellowship, coffee, friends, finished schoolwork, birthday preparations, and the opportunity to bear witness of God's work in my life.

Tuesday, I had the opportunity to share a video with my MOPS group that I made regarding my own journey through Post Partum Depression. When we went to Arkansas this summer, I retraced some steps with a video camera and very openly described my struggle and what God has taught me since. It is healing to confess, and it brings healing to others. God is faithful to His Word. James 5:16 speaks of confessing our sins to each other and pray for each other so we can be healed. This is one of those interesting times in Scripture where the NIV just blows it. King James is actually more accurate by using the word "fault" instead of "sin." But even then, it doesn't do it justice. The Greek word translated "sin" here isn't the same one that most of the New Testament uses for "sin" (hamartano-to miss the mark, err, trespass, not share in the prize). The word used in James 5:16 is paraptoma - a side-slip, lapse or deviation, untintenional error or willful transgression, fall, fault, offence, sin, trespass. Sometimes we need to just confess our faults, our lapses, deviation from what is right, our unintentional errors. Confession invites accountability. It invites people to pray over us. It invites healing. It invites others to identify and feel safe to share their own faults and be healed too. It is fun to be a part of that kind of confession.

Wednesday brought a hopsital visit to a friend and her baby, and a date with my seven year-old son. Thursday was a good catch-up around the house day. I cleaned our bedroom and hung lights I've been meaning to hang for a year. We were reminded at "A Weekend to Remember" the importance of the master bedroom being an enjoyable place and not just a "catch-all" laundry room, etc. Boy, we're guilty!

Friday brought coffee with a new friend and prayer together, coffee and cookie decorating with Dawn and her boys in the afternoon. The boys all jumped in the leaf pile and cut out their own pod racers out of cookie dough. It was a mess, but fun. Then a surprise call to do the storytelling for BreakOut, and a great worship service. Friday was also Bill's first day at his new job, and he came home with surprise paycheck that we weren't expecting from hours in October. Coincidently (*cough* whatever!), it was the same amount I'd just spent on groceries and birthday stuff. God is great!

Today a friend trying to revive her Mary Kay business came and did a makeover for me. I proved to be the longest makeover in history. She insists it was the fellowship that made it long and not the challenge of my face. LOL! We had a great time. I'll post pics when I get them from her.

So anyway, it was one of those weeks where you knew that you had actually been productive- not just in getting things done, but in growth, in meeting needs, being in fellowship. Very full!

Tonight, I'm off to make a Star Wars lava cake from Episode 3, complete with Obi-Wan and light saber. :D

Kid sayings - Ian: "You have to seek where you sook last time!"

I just need to take a minute to brag on my kids.

Clayton is getting funnier everyday. He is thriving in school. It is great to see him come home with so much to talk about and share. It almost seems he just needed to get out of the house, like a sahm who is trapped in the house 24/7. I can sympathize with that. He really seems to enjoy his break, own identity, and more responsibility. He is starting to look so grown up. He's getting really picky about clothes and the way he looks. His typical day's attire is jeans, layered shirt, black and gray knit beanie with his blond curls sticking out, and his bright green and yellow skate shoes. We were going somewhere together a few weeks ago. I noticed that he had a nice, green kool-aid mustache; but I decided not to tell him. I decided that something about him needed to say, "I'm only 10." Clayton's current book series is the mysteries by Brian Jacques.

Riley is such a little cheerleader. Today I went to visit a friend at the hospital whose baby had surgery today. He was so worried and really wanted to come with me. He really identifies with any kid in the hospital now. He came and was so interested in the baby, asking hundreds of questions and sharing his experience with the family. If it weren't for him, I'd have never found my way back to the van. I forgot to take the slip off the wall that reminds you which floor you parked on. Luckily, Riley is very visual and was certain which color the floor was. Of course that wasn't a choice, and we discovered we were in the wrong garage altogether. He was right. The floor WAS yellow! ....and what other seven year old stops playing at the Carl's Jr. playground to thank the young lady sweeping the floor for making the restaurant such a fun place. Sigh. Riley's favorite books right now are I Spy, Where's Waldo, and any other "look for this in the picture" kind of books. I asked him tonight what he wanted to be when he grew up. He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I know I don't want to be a robber." Then he said, "I want to work at Krispy Kreme!" He also informed me that his favorite part of his Friday night discipleship program was wrestling. Somehow I don't think that is a sanctioned activity. Riley also decided this week that taking the trash down to the road was so not worth it that he was willing to give his bike to his brother to have his brother do it. We'll see what he is begging to do for his brother in the spring to get his bike back.

Ian is a total crack up as usual. When I left for the evening, he was attacking a piece of black fabric with scissors, determined to make a black spider man costume. He is learning to read, and is drawing up a storm. He tells us frequently that he is an artist. He really is pretty good. He's a great leaf-raker and the first eager one to help dad with anything. Whenever you say, "Dad is outside," or "Dad is working on..." he runs yelling, "I'm going to help!" His favorite book right now is "The Runaway Bunny." You just never know what they will take to. He's told us that when he grows up he will live in a VW bus and park in our yard, so he can use the bathroom.

Hayden will turn four on Monday. My baby. He wants a Star Wars cake (half Yoda and half Obi-wan Kanobi- or some spelling such as that). He asked for a sled for his birthday. This week I had two bags of Hershey kisses by the door to take to MOPS. The kids kept asking for them, and I kept reminding them they were for the moms. Hayden came down to my bathroom to try one more time. I reminded him that they had a "Secret Something" jar of treats, and the chocolates were for the mommas. He thought for a minute and said, "I have an idea. How 'bout we keep the Hershey kisses and let them have our "Secret Something" jar. Smart kid. We have difficulty getting Hayden to wear socks. I was thinking that it was because he doesn't have enough in his drawer, or can't get them on easily by himself, but yesterday he informed us that Uncle Jimmy never wears socks, and that is where he got it from!

We had a great day Sunday. Bill will start work at the Valley mall tomorrow. Sunday, we clocked the drive, and found the store. Then we hung out in a game and puzzle shop and found all kinds of interesting things. We then browsed Game Stop (seeing a theme here) and enjoyed the mall playland. We tried on Cherry Blossom lotion at Sharon's Bath and Body Works and smelled the pillowy sheep's belly. :D After all that excitement, we headed to Krispy Kreme for a snack, but missed our turn. When we turned around, we ran into a group of people racing their RC cars on a track. So we stopped and watched for awhile. The boys' wheels were turning thinking of how they could make a track in our yard, etc. We did our annual trip to Toys R Us to see what everyone finds interesting, and then to Mc D's for $1 chicken sandwiches and water. We had a focus event at church that night. The kids were inspired to be good at the thought of the long tables full of cookies out in the lobby for afterwards. We sat in the very back of the stadium style seating area of our auditorium. The kids spread out on the floor with coloring books. I was really proud of how quiet they were. It was encouraging. Maybe the family reading in the evening will pay off in more than one way.

Speaking of family reading, I know I've said this before, but I'm really treasuring our free nights. I'm sure it will change before too long, so I'm determined to embrace this season and not feel guilty for the lack of busyness. The busyness in the day is enough and it is nice to just take baths, have dinner, and read and color together in the evenings. I don't miss sports, and truthfully, I don't think my kids do either. But basketball is around the corner...so I treasure this time now.

Memories

Years ago, "Grandma Nell" and "Grandpa Gene" lived down the road, and Jonathan and I would spend hours in the basement shooting pool with Jason and Andy (grandchildren they were helping raise) and usually a bunch of other friends. They've stayed dear friends, then their spouses joined the gang, and now we all have a whole gaggle of kids. Grandpa Gene has been with Jesus for several year. Grandma Nell just moved into an assisted living facility. Jason's family just bought her house. So today, I took my kids back to this house to go visit and play with their kids. They were all running around in sunglasses, chasing each other with machine guns, playing hide and seek, and giggling in. What fun! What memories! I guess a few incriminating photos showed up when they were cleaning out the basement. But I haven't seen them yet. :D

The golf course is closed for the season. Bill has been home for a couple of weeks. The course is talking to him about a long-term position starting in the spring that could work into something really nice in the future. There are possibilities of him working in a golf store starting next month. But for now, we're back in limbo and wondering what is next. I know God is more concerned with our character than our comfort, but comfort really sounds nice sometimes.

So much is going on in my heart right now. I feel an insatiable craving for God's Word and not near enough time to be in it. New book ideas are spinning in my head. I really know I could write full time - if I had full time. I keep re-evaluating how I'm using my hours, and what God really needs me to be doing right now. God has filled me with a supernatural confidence in Him this week and an excitement about what is to come - even if it is uncertain. I just know He is at work!

and MOPS says....

"No." I really already expected it. After all, when someone says 8-12 weeks and takes 24, one takes a hint. :D There response was encouraging and kind, they are simply not looking for "that kind" of material right now. I'm doing really well with the bad news because I think it was already settled in my mind. I'm actually glad to just have a response, and some closure to that. I was beginning to wonder where my book was floating around or if it was buried on the bottom of a dusty pile in someone's old office. :D I already knew it was time to start re-writing proposals. Now to find that time. It will happen.

Gifford Goofs

In headlines this week at the Gifford home:

Angela was trying to show her kids how she could still do a headstand, which was enough of a risk to her neck. But when a cute little five year old, thought it would be fun to push her over...well, the twist landing really did her in. She will be very anxious for November's chiropractic visit.

Riley felt confident that he *could* make a batch of chocolate chip cookies by himself while mom was in the shower. He did pretty good, except for that 1/2 cup of salt.

Sunday
I love Sundays! Today, I took an extra long walk up and down the driveway, reading, proclaiming, and praying through Psalm 29. O God, Your voice is powerful! Speak! Speak with clarity! May we hear you!

I was ending my evening on my face before God and realizing how much that has become a position of comfort. It has become a habit in the past six months to fall on my face before God when I didn't know what else to do, when I needed to hear from Him, or put myself back in my place. Now, I find it my favorite place to be. On my face, I can truly say, "It's just you and me hear now." I can seek Him with all my heart and remember who I am in contrast to Who HE is, and there is peace.

Treasure Verse!

Every now and then you find that verse that just pops at you and answers one of your deepest soul questions. For me, it has been the question: Does God really want to hear from me? I don't mean, does he want me to pray; but does he want me to ask over and over and over again. When my kids won't quit begging for something, I get annoyed. Do I annoy God? It has been a struggle for me because I know that God hears me the first time and doesn't forget what I asked for. My trust in God says He knows what I need. He remembers what I asked for. He doesn't need to be reminded. He's not human like me and forgets what His kids ask about. So when I hear others saying, "Keep praying about it," I always wonder if I should.

SO, when I found this verse this week, I had a whole new outlook on life....and that is what it is all about: Finding the truth about Who God is and replacing the lies in our heads that tell us Who we think God is. When we really know Who He is, there is confidence in Who we are, and in approaching Him.

Isaiah 62:6b-7 "You who call on the Lord, give yourselves no rest, and give HIM NO REST till He establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth."

I looked up some of the words.
call on - remember, recollect, reflect upon, to mention, declare, proclaim, to commemorate
rest- quiet, cutting off, rest, silence
establishes- to be established, be steadfast, be firm, be prepared, set in place, make secure, to be made firm, provide, to be made ready.

My prayer: "O GOD! I want to reflect upon what you've told us and make mention of it to you - PROCLAIM IT! I will bet at peace about not giving you rest or being quiet about your promise until you establish, provide, make firm and set in place the things you've promised. THANK YOU for your Word! Thank you for your freedom! Thank you for wanting to hear from me. I love you, too!

In other news, it seems like the moment you give birth to your precious babies, you have to begin to let go of them. They need fed less and less often. They need fewer hugs and snuggles. They begin to put themselves to sleep. They learn to go potty on their own. Before you know it, they can pack their own lunch, bike to school, take care of forgotten homework with their teacher, and stay home by themselves while you run an errand. I'm learning so much about giving my children over to God. This week I was thinking about something Clayton was facing, and telling myself, "Angela, you have to give Him to the Lord." Then I thought, "Wait! I did that when He was born." But, oh, do I take them back. Over and over I have to give them back to the Lord and remember that He loves them more than I do. He wants to fulfill His destiny for them in their lives. I have been transitioning from caretaker to coach since the day they were born. Some days, I just want to swoop in like a good helicopter parent and save them from themselves. Sometimes the lies in my head shout, "Good parents dictate good instructions and require compliance!"...and then God reminds me of His order of creation. The ultimate parent created us with a a free will. He speaks His desire. He coaches us through, always hoping for the best, and doesn't pound us when we choose the wrong path. He redirects. He loves. He forgives. He lovingly disciplines - but never manipulates and forces our compliance. Wow! I have a lot to learn from my Ultimate Parent.

All of that has been prompting a lot of thought in my mind about the Holy Spirit. It seems to me that the average Christian community is afraid of Him. We work so hard at controlling the atmosphere of our worship, our programs, our services. We want order, flow, polish. We want wise decisions. We have a fear of part of the Trinity. What if the Holy Spirit, Who is to be inside of each of us, Who is our helper, really wanted to to help us?! Well, He does! What if He wanted to take over in our worship? We don't often let Him help us worship. How often we quench the Spirit. I often think of that phrase in regards to sin. But when He wants to help us approach the throne with all we are, with absolute protrate humility, with joyful dancing, with tears or uplifted hands or total abandon. Do we pay more attention to what is going on around us? Do we worry about the people who might see us? Better yet....how do we react when someone else does that around us. Do we criticize their worship? HOW DARE US! It isn't about us! It is worship of the Holy, Almighty, Creator of the Universe and has NOTHING to do with us or our comfort.

So what do you do when your church just doesn't get it? Well, let's pray about that together. :D

If only it were always so obvious!

Ah! Stew in the crockpot, rolls in the bread machine, cookies in the oven, rain drizzling outside, two fawns resting in the grass while they wait on mom to finish snacking. Did I mention I love fall?

We've been struggling so much to figure out what to do with Clayton for school. For years we've been looking for the "right" thing. We had some dissappointments this year and weren't able to get him in the school we'd hoped for. We thought home was the best plan b, but it just wan't working. I'm so tired of going back and forth and second guessing ourselves about what the best decisions is or should have been. It's tiring. I have known one of the fifth grade teachers at Dalton since he was a little boy. He is one of four boys - and they've all turned out great. I often wish I could just rub shoulders with their mom a few days a week. But anyway, we felt we could be more comfortable sending him back to that school (where he went in 3rd grade) if we knew Mr. Staples could be his teacher. But when Bill went to ask about the school, they said they were completely full. They gave Bill a registration form and told him we could wait until there was an opening or just put him in a different school that had room. We filled out the form, and Bill took it back on Friday. But school was closed. So finally today, he decided to try again. The secretary told Bill, "TODAY is your lucky day! We had a student drop out YESTERDAY, and we have one opening.....in Mr. Staples fifth grade class! God is so good! I bawled when Bill called to tell me. Such a huge sense of relief and confidence that it was God's direction.

So tonight was a frantic school supply rush. It's not easy to start fifth grade in a public school in an uppity part of town - much less when all of your clothes say "WALMART!" and most are full of holes. We'd been putting off clothes shopping and grateful that he's home most of the time, but God provided some good deals. Kohl's just opened here. We've had a card since Arkansas, but they let me have the promo discount because it was grand opening, and we got coupons in the mail for $10 off. We found backpacks 60% off at K-mart. Some of the supplies we already had.

Random - I get so sick of reaching int the pen holder by the computer to only find pencils with their tips bitten off and never a pen. Yesterday at MOPS, we put last years pens on the giveaway table - silk flowers stuck to the top. I grabbed a couple thinking, "Now I'll have some pens I can always find and my boys are sure to leave alone." Well, today my boys couldn't keep their hands off them. In fact, fighting over who got to use the flower pens. In fact, one of them has been dismantled. I give up!