So today I was thinking that I really should get Bill to help me unload the 55 gallon rubbermaid tub from the truck - the tub filled with my auction day leftovers, purchases, and freebies. I had driven home after MOPS Tuesday, worrying about it sliding around in the back, as there were some breakables, and laughing to myself about the pink princess shower curtain that I'm going to sneakily put up in the boys bathroom while they're sleeping some night. Today, Bill and the boys assured me that there was no such tub in the back of the truck. They had loaded and unloaded snowboards and sleds to go to Cherry Hill. Bill had loaded and unloaded tools to help a friend with a tile job today. I really believed they were all just being blind. How can you miss a 55 gallon tub. But alas, it was not there. Then I thought for sure that it must have been stolen from the back of the truck while Bill had it parked at the mall yesterday, since his camper shell doesn't lock. I was really miffed because 1/2 of my Christmas shopping was in that tub. Well, o.k. I've only bought two things, but one of them was in the tub. However, Bill called from church tonight and informed me that the tub was in the church lobby and had been since Tuesday (which amazes me in and of itself because there are way too many people in and out of that lobby to ignore a tub of that size and not do something about it). Apparently, I NEVER loaded it! Good grief!
Ian has been making a book about his family. Yesterday we talked about the jobs people in our family have. He decided (among a few other things) that Daddy's job was to work at the mall. Mommy's job is to pick up things.:P Clayton's job is to clean his room. His job was to comb his hair with his own comb, and Hayden's job was to play. Here are a few things about Ian for his book.
If I had three wishes....to have a big flying ship that we can all take rides in, to have a dirt bike with everything on it - even a kickstand, to have a garge on our house that you get to from the door. (Apparently, the male need for a garage starts young)
One thing I do well is....fighting.
I want to be better at......karate.
It makes me angry when....Hayden cries when we're trying to go to sleep.
Something I would like to see....mom with blue eye shadow, brown finger nails, pink toenails, and red lips.
The happiest day of my life was when...I haven't had one yet (poor child).
Tonight while discussing the story of Noah and the Ark, Ian was amazed at the thought that there had not been rain before the flood. "Well, they could have made rain!" he said. "How?" I asked "They could have gotten water in a bowl and thrown it up in the air." Then he proceeded to draw an ark with animals in it. "Ian, what kind of animals are in your ark?" "Birds, rats, and ghost-es."
I'm really not adjusting well to our new, chaotic schedule. I've been trying to do better at making breakfast, since that's the only meal we're all home for now. But if I stay up until Bill gets home so we have a minute, and focus on breakfast in the morning, I don't get a shower until afternoon. I can't seem to figure this out. Tonight was his first night home for dinner in awhile. I made a nice one, and thought the crockpot was so pretty, I had to take a picture.
I also just figured out today that the photo card from my phone *does* work in my computer, so I will be posting more pictures. Duh! In fact, here are a few, just because. :D
Last night after a very long day - well few days, I put my feet in a tub of hot water and soaked while I immersed myself in God's Word. I studied the life of Asa in 2 Chronicles 15-16. I was struck with 15:17 "Although he did not remove the high places from Israel, Asa's heart was fully committed to the Lord all his life." That verse stood out to me when I looked back over things because Asa doesn't end his life well. He began to trust in what his money could do, to buy support, instead of trusting God. A seer came to him and said, "You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war." (16:9) He was so angry at the messenger, that he had him thrown in prison and "brutally oppressed some of the people." (16:10) He gets a terrible disease and only seeks medical help without seeking the Lord. Yet God's Word says, "Asa's heart was fully committed to the Lord all his life." I think it helps me see over and over again how our hearts can be committed fully to the Lord, but we are still screw ups! We can still veer just a little off course, but head a horrible direction.
Sometimes it feels that is where we are now. Bill and I set out with really big plans last spring. We were passionate about things God had called us too. We tried desperately to walk in obedience no matter how silly or scary things felt to us or looked to others. We lost some relationships. We endured some persecution. We've had our share of rough knocks. We've messed up. We've made mistakes. We've won victories, and we've broken bondages. For every bondage we've broken, we've uncovered another. Looking at our lives now, it seems like we've accomplished nothing we've set out to do. It appears we are farther from our goals, that our lives are way too stressful, that we are even broker than we were to began with, that our relationships are struggling. There is some truth to those things. But, the bigger truth is that God is stirring up things that have always needed stirred up. He is digging deeper than He's ever dug. He's making us intensely uncomfortable and forcing us to deal. with. stuff!
I personally, tend to get very impatient with the process. I'm a lion/captian/type A personality. Our motto is: "Just do it!" I like to get things done and see results. I live for accomplishment, and judge my value by what I've accomplished. But in reading "Boundaries in Marriage", something jumped off the page at me.
Adjust to Reality Both Jerry and Genie had to reorganize their life. They had to give up some of their ambitious plans for a while until their problems were better. Their original plan had included two fully functioning people, and they did not have that, at least for a while. So they agreed to cut back on what they wanted until they got to a better place.
Wow! That is totally where we are at. Our hopes and dreams haven't changed much, but truth is, there is much stress in taking a leap of faith. Financial burdens, uncertainties, stress of relationships, etc. takes a toll on a person, a marriage, a family. So! Right now it feels like all we are doing is working on things. Working on being whole as individuals, working on breaking bondages, working on repacing lies with truth, working on our marriage, working on the health of our children, working on getting out of debt, working on building stability, working on our faith. Very few of those things produce immediate or even tangible results. But we know that God is at work in us. It is obvious. Painful. But obvious. We are still two people whose hearts are fully committed to the Lord. We may have veered off course, howbeit unintentional; but we are still fully committed and willing to step back to work on the "us" before we work any more on the "what." Sigh.
I was deeply encouraged by a friend a few weeks ago as I expressed sorrow over broken relationships with some who didn't understand some of the steps we took over the spring and summer. I feel as I did back in the days of my depression as I prayed Psalm 69:6 "May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, The Lord Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel." My friend exhorted me that Bill and I were doing just what God said to do. We were "working out our faith." God's Word challenges us to excerise our faith - to work it out. The individual things we did, whether right or wrong, aren't the biggest issue -but our willingness to "work out our faith" (with fear and trembling, I might add). That is so true. We are working out our faith, and I pray that others watching will not focus on our individual actions, hoping for a three step plan of how (or how not) to follow God -but see that we are "working out our faith."
In the midst of all of that, we are adjusting to Bill's new schedule, and I am looking for work -something I never thought I'd be doing at this point in life. But, barring any miracles, it is a necessity - not for Christmas money or extra fun. But just to make it while Bill's new job begins to build and be all we hope it will be. I can't imagine life getting anymore hectic. Try adding two parents working opposite schedules and passing off the four kids. Honestly, I'm at peace - not terribly excited. But I'm at peace - and grateful for so much. Grateful for the strengthening of our marriage. Grateful for the internal work God is doing. Though I stare at half-written book proposals with heavy sighs, really believing God didn't create me entirely to make coffee or clean up after others, I can only rest in the truth of God's Word. Last night, with my feet soaking and Darlene Zschech singing to me, "Your love is Better Than Life," God gave me Psalm 57:2. "I cry out (summon, call out, invite you to be a guest) to God Most High (El Elyon), to God, who fulfills his purpose for me." Praise God! I know I can trust you!
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