Memories

Years ago, "Grandma Nell" and "Grandpa Gene" lived down the road, and Jonathan and I would spend hours in the basement shooting pool with Jason and Andy (grandchildren they were helping raise) and usually a bunch of other friends. They've stayed dear friends, then their spouses joined the gang, and now we all have a whole gaggle of kids. Grandpa Gene has been with Jesus for several year. Grandma Nell just moved into an assisted living facility. Jason's family just bought her house. So today, I took my kids back to this house to go visit and play with their kids. They were all running around in sunglasses, chasing each other with machine guns, playing hide and seek, and giggling in. What fun! What memories! I guess a few incriminating photos showed up when they were cleaning out the basement. But I haven't seen them yet. :D

The golf course is closed for the season. Bill has been home for a couple of weeks. The course is talking to him about a long-term position starting in the spring that could work into something really nice in the future. There are possibilities of him working in a golf store starting next month. But for now, we're back in limbo and wondering what is next. I know God is more concerned with our character than our comfort, but comfort really sounds nice sometimes.

So much is going on in my heart right now. I feel an insatiable craving for God's Word and not near enough time to be in it. New book ideas are spinning in my head. I really know I could write full time - if I had full time. I keep re-evaluating how I'm using my hours, and what God really needs me to be doing right now. God has filled me with a supernatural confidence in Him this week and an excitement about what is to come - even if it is uncertain. I just know He is at work!

and MOPS says....

"No." I really already expected it. After all, when someone says 8-12 weeks and takes 24, one takes a hint. :D There response was encouraging and kind, they are simply not looking for "that kind" of material right now. I'm doing really well with the bad news because I think it was already settled in my mind. I'm actually glad to just have a response, and some closure to that. I was beginning to wonder where my book was floating around or if it was buried on the bottom of a dusty pile in someone's old office. :D I already knew it was time to start re-writing proposals. Now to find that time. It will happen.

Gifford Goofs

In headlines this week at the Gifford home:

Angela was trying to show her kids how she could still do a headstand, which was enough of a risk to her neck. But when a cute little five year old, thought it would be fun to push her over...well, the twist landing really did her in. She will be very anxious for November's chiropractic visit.

Riley felt confident that he *could* make a batch of chocolate chip cookies by himself while mom was in the shower. He did pretty good, except for that 1/2 cup of salt.

Sunday
I love Sundays! Today, I took an extra long walk up and down the driveway, reading, proclaiming, and praying through Psalm 29. O God, Your voice is powerful! Speak! Speak with clarity! May we hear you!

I was ending my evening on my face before God and realizing how much that has become a position of comfort. It has become a habit in the past six months to fall on my face before God when I didn't know what else to do, when I needed to hear from Him, or put myself back in my place. Now, I find it my favorite place to be. On my face, I can truly say, "It's just you and me hear now." I can seek Him with all my heart and remember who I am in contrast to Who HE is, and there is peace.

Treasure Verse!

Every now and then you find that verse that just pops at you and answers one of your deepest soul questions. For me, it has been the question: Does God really want to hear from me? I don't mean, does he want me to pray; but does he want me to ask over and over and over again. When my kids won't quit begging for something, I get annoyed. Do I annoy God? It has been a struggle for me because I know that God hears me the first time and doesn't forget what I asked for. My trust in God says He knows what I need. He remembers what I asked for. He doesn't need to be reminded. He's not human like me and forgets what His kids ask about. So when I hear others saying, "Keep praying about it," I always wonder if I should.

SO, when I found this verse this week, I had a whole new outlook on life....and that is what it is all about: Finding the truth about Who God is and replacing the lies in our heads that tell us Who we think God is. When we really know Who He is, there is confidence in Who we are, and in approaching Him.

Isaiah 62:6b-7 "You who call on the Lord, give yourselves no rest, and give HIM NO REST till He establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth."

I looked up some of the words.
call on - remember, recollect, reflect upon, to mention, declare, proclaim, to commemorate
rest- quiet, cutting off, rest, silence
establishes- to be established, be steadfast, be firm, be prepared, set in place, make secure, to be made firm, provide, to be made ready.

My prayer: "O GOD! I want to reflect upon what you've told us and make mention of it to you - PROCLAIM IT! I will bet at peace about not giving you rest or being quiet about your promise until you establish, provide, make firm and set in place the things you've promised. THANK YOU for your Word! Thank you for your freedom! Thank you for wanting to hear from me. I love you, too!

In other news, it seems like the moment you give birth to your precious babies, you have to begin to let go of them. They need fed less and less often. They need fewer hugs and snuggles. They begin to put themselves to sleep. They learn to go potty on their own. Before you know it, they can pack their own lunch, bike to school, take care of forgotten homework with their teacher, and stay home by themselves while you run an errand. I'm learning so much about giving my children over to God. This week I was thinking about something Clayton was facing, and telling myself, "Angela, you have to give Him to the Lord." Then I thought, "Wait! I did that when He was born." But, oh, do I take them back. Over and over I have to give them back to the Lord and remember that He loves them more than I do. He wants to fulfill His destiny for them in their lives. I have been transitioning from caretaker to coach since the day they were born. Some days, I just want to swoop in like a good helicopter parent and save them from themselves. Sometimes the lies in my head shout, "Good parents dictate good instructions and require compliance!"...and then God reminds me of His order of creation. The ultimate parent created us with a a free will. He speaks His desire. He coaches us through, always hoping for the best, and doesn't pound us when we choose the wrong path. He redirects. He loves. He forgives. He lovingly disciplines - but never manipulates and forces our compliance. Wow! I have a lot to learn from my Ultimate Parent.

All of that has been prompting a lot of thought in my mind about the Holy Spirit. It seems to me that the average Christian community is afraid of Him. We work so hard at controlling the atmosphere of our worship, our programs, our services. We want order, flow, polish. We want wise decisions. We have a fear of part of the Trinity. What if the Holy Spirit, Who is to be inside of each of us, Who is our helper, really wanted to to help us?! Well, He does! What if He wanted to take over in our worship? We don't often let Him help us worship. How often we quench the Spirit. I often think of that phrase in regards to sin. But when He wants to help us approach the throne with all we are, with absolute protrate humility, with joyful dancing, with tears or uplifted hands or total abandon. Do we pay more attention to what is going on around us? Do we worry about the people who might see us? Better yet....how do we react when someone else does that around us. Do we criticize their worship? HOW DARE US! It isn't about us! It is worship of the Holy, Almighty, Creator of the Universe and has NOTHING to do with us or our comfort.

So what do you do when your church just doesn't get it? Well, let's pray about that together. :D

If only it were always so obvious!

Ah! Stew in the crockpot, rolls in the bread machine, cookies in the oven, rain drizzling outside, two fawns resting in the grass while they wait on mom to finish snacking. Did I mention I love fall?

We've been struggling so much to figure out what to do with Clayton for school. For years we've been looking for the "right" thing. We had some dissappointments this year and weren't able to get him in the school we'd hoped for. We thought home was the best plan b, but it just wan't working. I'm so tired of going back and forth and second guessing ourselves about what the best decisions is or should have been. It's tiring. I have known one of the fifth grade teachers at Dalton since he was a little boy. He is one of four boys - and they've all turned out great. I often wish I could just rub shoulders with their mom a few days a week. But anyway, we felt we could be more comfortable sending him back to that school (where he went in 3rd grade) if we knew Mr. Staples could be his teacher. But when Bill went to ask about the school, they said they were completely full. They gave Bill a registration form and told him we could wait until there was an opening or just put him in a different school that had room. We filled out the form, and Bill took it back on Friday. But school was closed. So finally today, he decided to try again. The secretary told Bill, "TODAY is your lucky day! We had a student drop out YESTERDAY, and we have one opening.....in Mr. Staples fifth grade class! God is so good! I bawled when Bill called to tell me. Such a huge sense of relief and confidence that it was God's direction.

So tonight was a frantic school supply rush. It's not easy to start fifth grade in a public school in an uppity part of town - much less when all of your clothes say "WALMART!" and most are full of holes. We'd been putting off clothes shopping and grateful that he's home most of the time, but God provided some good deals. Kohl's just opened here. We've had a card since Arkansas, but they let me have the promo discount because it was grand opening, and we got coupons in the mail for $10 off. We found backpacks 60% off at K-mart. Some of the supplies we already had.

Random - I get so sick of reaching int the pen holder by the computer to only find pencils with their tips bitten off and never a pen. Yesterday at MOPS, we put last years pens on the giveaway table - silk flowers stuck to the top. I grabbed a couple thinking, "Now I'll have some pens I can always find and my boys are sure to leave alone." Well, today my boys couldn't keep their hands off them. In fact, fighting over who got to use the flower pens. In fact, one of them has been dismantled. I give up!

The fruit of others' labor

We kicked off our second MOPS group today. Things weren't quite as smoothe as last week, but it went fine. It overwhelms me how many new moms we have and who all God wants to touch through MOPS this year. We had one mom who literally ran out of gas in the parking lot this morning and was sent to visit our group. She figured God must have wanted her there, and I think she was right. :D

This afternoon after finishing school and a short nap, we went on a little field trip. As mentioned before, my garden this year was a total joke. What survived my brown thumb, the deer ate. We only got a handful of radishes and tiny carrots from our garden this year. On Saturday a friend called and said they were leaving town and had put up all they were going to from their garden. She invited me to come help myself. So, the kids were just giddy in that garden. We picked corn, beans, tomoatoes, zucchini, and yellow squash. It was a beautiful sunny day, and we really had a good time. The kids were obviously just delighted to see plants that actually grew things. So fun just to watch them.

Feels like life is finally getting a little more in sync. Homeschooling is going well with Riley and Ian. We're trying to get Clayton into the local public school (that is now full). I'm enjoying few evening obligations, with time to really be mom instead of teacher. We're reading "Summer of the Monkeys" by Wilson Rawls. So most nights, we settle down about 30 minutes before bed and color and read.

I've finished the book "Breathe" by Lori Wyatt Kent and am now deep in the middle of "Boundaries in Marriage" by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. It's one of those books that keeps revealing problems I didn't realize I had - well, others probably knew I had them, but I didn't. :P It's a good read, and not at all what I expected.

We kicked off our first MOPS group last week and kick off the second one tomorrow. Things are going so well. In fact, last week, it was so easy I kept wondering what we missed or forgot. It was so low stress. But truth is, God just showed up! We have a lot of people praying - and we worked really hard over the summer. I guess it is all just coming together. I'm so excited about this year. We have about 90 moms right now and will probably have more. Each of them are so unique, with their own set of special circumstances and areas where God wants to meet them this year. I'm always amazed at how much He meets me when I think I'm there for someone else.

The apples are exceptionally good this year. I haven't had time to put up any applesauce, or applebutter, or anything this year. But we sure are enjoying them fresh. Tonight I whipped up a honey apple cake for dessert, then put together a crockpot breakfast to be ready in the morning. Tomorrow I plan on making Karin's apple bake for MOPS brunch. (recipes all below) The smell of baking apples, candles lit all over, straw pumpkins and silk fall leaves.....ah! It's fall.

I added a couple of web links on the right to some favorite musicians. I have so many favorites, but these are lesser known artists that I think should be better known. KWIM?

Apple Recipes

Whole Grain Crockpot Breakfast
from my friend, Summer, who took it from the book "Super Baby Food"
2 c. brown rice
3 peeled and chopped apples
1/2 c. raisins
8 c. water
1 t. cinnamon
Put in a crockpot on low overnight. Sweeten to taste with honey or brown sugar. The original recipe calls for 5 cups, but Summer found it wasn't enough. Supper yummy!

Honey Applesauce Cake
from "Recipes from the Hive"
1/2 c. softened butter
1 c. honey
1 1/2 c. applesauce
3 c. flour
2 t. soda
1/2 t. salt
1 t. cinnamon
1/2 t. cloves
1/2 t. nutmeg
1 c. chopped nuts
1 c. raisins
Grease a 9x13 pan and line the bottom with waxed paper. Cream the butter until light and fluffy. Blend in the honey and applesauce. Add mixture of sifted dry ingredients and beat for 2 minutes. Stir in nuts and raisins. Pour into prepared pan. Bake at 325 for one hour (40 min. was enough) or until cake tests done. Invert onto wire rack to cool, remove paper. Dust with confectioners sugar, if desired. This recipe was a blue ribbon winner at the 2002 Spokane Interstate Fair.

Karin's Apple Bake Breakfast
from my friend Karin
6 eggs
1 1/2 c. milk
1 c. flour
3 T. sugar
1 t. vanilla
1/2 t. salt
1/4 t. cinnamon
1/2 c. butter
3 large apples, sliced and peeled
2 T. brown sugar
Preheat oven to 425. Place butter in 13x9 pan. Put in oven until butter melts. Add apple slices to butter and bake until butter sizzles (do not let it brown). Remove dish from oven. Meanwhile, combine eggs, milk, flour, sugar, vanilla, salt, and cinnamon. Whisk until blended (batter will be slightly lumpy). Pour batter over apples and sprinkle with brown sugar. Bake 30-40 minutes or until nicely browned and puffed up. Karin bakes hers for the full 40 minutes. Also, it will puff up a lot so don't have the oven rack highter than the middle or it will touch the top element.

I am loved. I'm a lover. I win!

I was able to get a ride up to the retreat with some people I didn't know. I wasn't worried. I was glad not to take my van, since the wipers don't work, and it has been raining. But, I knew I wouldn't be able to blare Jars of Clay Good Monsters on the way up.

God definitely arranged my road trip. The lady who drove is an amazingly sweet older woman, married for 42 years to an alcoholic. She got saved 7 years ago. She since has taken every Bible study she can get her hands on and took a year long mentoring course in California. She moved here in May and said she was looking for a way to get involved in mentoring through our church. "Well, I said...I think I can plug you in!" wink. wink. The other lady spends every day working with a kid like. She was so helpful and insightful - and will continue to be.

Deborah Hiebert was/is incredible. The message of the weekend was grasping how much God loves us and how His love should motivate us to be lovers. She made this statement that pulsated through me: "Lovers always get more work done than workers." It breaks my heart. I'm such a good worker. I've not been a lover...and I struggle to grasp an unconditional love.

She also used the statement "I am loved. I'm a lover. I win." Grasping that line of thinking changes so much about life. I wish I could fully put into words the changes in my heart. This summer, Bill and I were able to really have our spiritual lives "rocked" in Nashville. We came home with a totally new perspective on life. But "life" has gotten in the way since then, and we've left behind so much. Deborah's thoughts and teaching are so in line with what God started in our hearts a few months ago, and it gave me so much hope. I'm thankful to have a new friend that will help me grow in these areas.

As we were talking Sunday about leaving the past behind, I realized that the past I needed to leave behind wasn't drugs, or molestation, or any of the other things most struggle with - it is the past of being a worker - grasping the fact that God saved me to, so I could stop working to please Him - but love Him. I feel like a completely different person (well, at least until I'm still prodding history lessons at 6:30 p.m. :D ) It is truth I've known, but not grasped in this way before.

I'm amazed at the difference in my home, just because I came home as a lover. There is still much to be done, but much rest in knowing that my role is to love, and God is big enough to do the work.

So I return home with a brand new confidence in my God and what He intends for me, and I'm super pumped about the beginning of MOPS and sharing God's love with all those moms!

While I was gone, I did a visual activity that was very eye-opening to me. My Breathe book suggested to draw a tree and make branches for every responsibility I had in my life. Then add a branch off of it for every facet of that responsibility. For instance:
laundry - Towels, bedding, Bill, Me, Clayton....
Meals - planning, shopping, Monday- breakfast, lunch, dinner, Tuesday - breakfast.....
Finances - bills, planning, budgeting, banking...
MOPS - registration, programming, DGL's, mentors.....

You get the idea. Anyway, the idea is to fill it all out and then decide what you can prune off your tree to create more breathing room in your life.It was quite eye opening.
1) I was totally overwhelmed with the amount of branches on my tree.
2) I was amazed how small MOPS looks compared to my life and how little space it actually takes.
3) I initially left off some of the MOST important things in my life: my marriage (Yikes!) and my book .
4) I could only find one thing to totally prune off and do away with. The other things can be pruned - but will have to be grafted into someone else's tree. In other words, they have to be done - but not necessarily by me.

So, still praying about what to do. I really believe that I need to purposefully remove some "work" from my life if I'm going to focus on being a "lover."