I am loved. I'm a lover. I win!

I was able to get a ride up to the retreat with some people I didn't know. I wasn't worried. I was glad not to take my van, since the wipers don't work, and it has been raining. But, I knew I wouldn't be able to blare Jars of Clay Good Monsters on the way up.

God definitely arranged my road trip. The lady who drove is an amazingly sweet older woman, married for 42 years to an alcoholic. She got saved 7 years ago. She since has taken every Bible study she can get her hands on and took a year long mentoring course in California. She moved here in May and said she was looking for a way to get involved in mentoring through our church. "Well, I said...I think I can plug you in!" wink. wink. The other lady spends every day working with a kid like. She was so helpful and insightful - and will continue to be.

Deborah Hiebert was/is incredible. The message of the weekend was grasping how much God loves us and how His love should motivate us to be lovers. She made this statement that pulsated through me: "Lovers always get more work done than workers." It breaks my heart. I'm such a good worker. I've not been a lover...and I struggle to grasp an unconditional love.

She also used the statement "I am loved. I'm a lover. I win." Grasping that line of thinking changes so much about life. I wish I could fully put into words the changes in my heart. This summer, Bill and I were able to really have our spiritual lives "rocked" in Nashville. We came home with a totally new perspective on life. But "life" has gotten in the way since then, and we've left behind so much. Deborah's thoughts and teaching are so in line with what God started in our hearts a few months ago, and it gave me so much hope. I'm thankful to have a new friend that will help me grow in these areas.

As we were talking Sunday about leaving the past behind, I realized that the past I needed to leave behind wasn't drugs, or molestation, or any of the other things most struggle with - it is the past of being a worker - grasping the fact that God saved me to, so I could stop working to please Him - but love Him. I feel like a completely different person (well, at least until I'm still prodding history lessons at 6:30 p.m. :D ) It is truth I've known, but not grasped in this way before.

I'm amazed at the difference in my home, just because I came home as a lover. There is still much to be done, but much rest in knowing that my role is to love, and God is big enough to do the work.

So I return home with a brand new confidence in my God and what He intends for me, and I'm super pumped about the beginning of MOPS and sharing God's love with all those moms!

While I was gone, I did a visual activity that was very eye-opening to me. My Breathe book suggested to draw a tree and make branches for every responsibility I had in my life. Then add a branch off of it for every facet of that responsibility. For instance:
laundry - Towels, bedding, Bill, Me, Clayton....
Meals - planning, shopping, Monday- breakfast, lunch, dinner, Tuesday - breakfast.....
Finances - bills, planning, budgeting, banking...
MOPS - registration, programming, DGL's, mentors.....

You get the idea. Anyway, the idea is to fill it all out and then decide what you can prune off your tree to create more breathing room in your life.It was quite eye opening.
1) I was totally overwhelmed with the amount of branches on my tree.
2) I was amazed how small MOPS looks compared to my life and how little space it actually takes.
3) I initially left off some of the MOST important things in my life: my marriage (Yikes!) and my book .
4) I could only find one thing to totally prune off and do away with. The other things can be pruned - but will have to be grafted into someone else's tree. In other words, they have to be done - but not necessarily by me.

So, still praying about what to do. I really believe that I need to purposefully remove some "work" from my life if I'm going to focus on being a "lover."