Back to School

Well, school started this week. My thought so far? "Somebody shoot me now!" It has been so rough. I'm trying to have an optimistic outlook. It has only been three days. I keep finding things to adjust and changing them a little each day. Some may wonder why I even try this. It would be so much easier on my life just to put them in school. So true. It would. But as parents, we can't just think about what would be easier for us because God has given us the responsibility to keep what's best for four other little people.

Yesterday, we had to go to Spokane for a follow-up appointment with Riley's Dr. It went well. We had a conversation something like this:
Dr. Starr: "I'd like him to stay down for another week or so and not be too crazy."
Me: laughter
Dr. Starr: "Oh, too late, huh?"
Me: Yes..we're pretty back to normal.
Dr. Starr: "Well, I mean, like no bike riding or anything like that."
Me: More laughter
Dr. Starr: "Oh, we're already doing bikes?"
Me: ...and roller blades and pogo sticks....
Dr. Starr: "O.K. Then!"

Then since we were having such a rough day and week and rushing every minute, I thought I'd treat my kiddos to a wholesome dinner at Dick's Drive-In in downtown Spokane. :D Ha! Ha!

After that we had two places to stop. At both stops my boys decided to routinely run off and laugh at my orders to stay close, get in the car, etc. Which resulted in some very "special" time with dad when they got home.

Very cool part of the day, though....We got home about 8:00. Great! Time for bed! I didn't really desire to partake of Dick's drive-in and Bill had just got home from work. When I walked in, he was chopping peppers and onions and frying leftover steak to make fajitas for us. "What?" I said. "My husband is cooking?! Did I come home to the right house?!" It took awhile 'til we could eat because we had some discipline to do, baths to give, stories to read, prayers to say....By then Bill fell asleep icing his knee (yes, it is very swollen and sore from who knows what. We've been to the doc and are now wearing a brace. Running six miles a day isn't helping. :P). By the time we were ready to eat, the phone rang, our dear friends showed up to pick up some things we'd borrowed. We talked until about 11:00. THEN, we got to eat. They were yummy! I really think Bill should cook more often.

Fish and Game just picked up the bear trap. We never caught the bear. We've seen her since, but I guess she's too smart for that.

The He-Bear Was a She-Bear

SO our cute little bear from last year turned out to be a girl. This year she has twin black cubs, and is about twice the size she was last year. Yesterday, she jumped out of a tree right by Clayton who was up playing basketball by the garage. Today, fish and game dropped off a baited bear trap.

Spiritual Observations

The last few days have been very hard. When a baby is fussy, you hold and rock them. When a seven year old is in pain, he is selfish, backtalks, sasses, and is just down right mean. I have to admit that I've lost my patience with him a few times this week. When you are doing everything you can to comfort and take care of someone and going on no sleep, and they refuse to be comforted (or even kind)..well...I just can't take it for too long. It really has had me thinking, though. How is it with me and God when I'm cranky and not understanding the pain he allows in my life? It is a challenge to me to comfort someone who refuses to be comforted. Does God give up? No. Does He back off and seem distant? Maybe He does. I wouldn't blame Him. Though I know He is perfect, and doesn't react with the same humanity that I do, I know He is quenched by my grumbling and complaining.

It's hit hard this week. Bill described it well while we were praying last night. Lots of "D" words: discouraged, disheartened, defeated, disciplined. It seems nothing in life makes sense right now. Before, when people asked what we were doing, we would hem and haw and try to figure out how to word things. The moment was uncomfortable, but there was a peace. Now, when others ask what we are doing, the answer is simple. Bill works at the golf course. But our spirit's are tense. There is nothing exciting about feeling your dreams are totally on hold, that maybe there was no reason for your suffering, that your faith might have been in vain.

It is hard to see what God is doing right now. Bill has no time to golf. He's not been able to start lessons, because he doesn't know when he's working until the night before. Money is tight. No time to work on marketing my book. It feels as if we are back where we were long ago. Working our tales off, just hoping to make ends meet with no time to pursue what we really feel called to.

We know that we can't really go farther until there is bigger backing...a sponsor, maybe? Someone or some company that believes in Bill or can simply back the ministry. Sometimes we feel we are serving the Lord 100% and are completely out of sync with the Christian community....completely without tangible support in our ministry. Sometimes we wonder if we should just lay it all down and wait for people to believe and understand. But we can't wait to obey and hang all our hopes on people. The simple answer would be that if God was in it, it would all fall together, right? Or would it? Are we just being tested to the hilt to see if we will persevere no matter what and praise in all things? Will we stick with things when they don't make sense?

I have been encouraged this week reading through Acts. I had never really realized that Peter and John were doing most of their teaching and preaching and miracles in the temple courts. That is where people were being saved. Revival was happening. They were fully representing Christ and doing all Christ asked them to do. Yet, they were disciplined, judged, and persecuted by the leaders of the Jewish temple. Nothing new.

I haven't done a good job praising this week. I'm sleep deprived and surrounded by whiny and negative people (some in pain, some just that way). Bill and I have been changing shifts at the hospital and with duties at home, with no time to connect. I could give a list of excuses. But just I tell Riley that he can do all things through Christ Who gives Him strength. So can I.

Riley Update

The surgery went just as expected - taking four hours instead of six. The hospital stay went as the expected four days. We came home yesterday.

Some highlights....
*It's always amazing to encounter other families at a children's hospital and hear their stories. It was a privilege to pray for another boy who had a tumor removed that day. They weren't sure they could save his vocal chords. We prayed - and God answered. The tumor wasn't even in the vocal chords!!
*I met another mom whose son has the same issues as Riley - but many more issues as well. He is only one year old, and they are at the hospital every month. She has an amazing ministry to other families. I had prayed for weeks about how I could minister to other families, but could hardly get out of Riley's room. She sought me out offering to get me breakfast, asking if she could help. Such a sweetie!
*When tucking Riley in to hopefully go to sleep the first night, I asked if he wanted to say prayers. He said, "I've *been* praying!" :D
*Another friend shared that her son prayed that Riley would "just stay crazy!" Kids are so wonderful!
*I got to watch Emeril and Rachel Ray cook and got way toooo hungry watching - eating every bag of chex mix and cracker pack in sight.

I had planned on using my dad's laptop to work on book stuff, but never had the chance to worry about it.

So we're home. The recovery will be harder than I expected. It's like having a newborn, and he is in so much pain. Every trip to the bathroom results in 20-30 minutes of straight, inconsolable screaming. The pain meds require him to be hydrated, so the bathroom trips are frequent. When he feels good, he feels good and plays with his brothers and colors and uses silly putty, etc. But when he cycles to bad - it's bad! The time between quieting him down and the next bathroom trip is short. In that time I work on laundry, dishes, sticky floors, the vomit in the bathroom from the nauseating meds, and requests from other kids like, "Mommy, I want to play a game with just you. He gets you more than we."

Today, I feel quiet a bit better. I believe Riley only got up twice las night. It helps to get a little sleep. Yesterday, everything in life felt wrong. I'm not saying it all feels right today, but sleep does make everything seem a little better. I honestly don't know how our marriage survived my post-partum sleep deprivation. I'm such a bear!

Perfectionism

When I told my husband yesterday that I hadn't blogged in three weeks, I thought I was exaggerating! Goodness, it really has been. Blogging is definitely where my perfectionism shows up. When I get behind, I don't want to bother until I have time to catch it all up - and when that never happens, I get further and further behind.

So...forget the catching up. Here is where we are now:

The most pressing event is that Riley is having his long-awaited surgery tomorrow. This will correct his kidney reflux that he has had since birth. They will be removing his ureters from his bladder and re-implanting them in his bladder in a different location. It is about a six hour surgery and four day hospital stay.

Besides that, Bill is now caddying for the Coeur d'Alene Resort Golf Course. It is interesting that when we felt pressed to look for work, that all his construction leads dried up, and the golf course had three different positions open. It is also a bit strange for us, since this is exactly what Bill was doing and where he was doing it eleven years ago when we got married. How we've wondered what life might have been like if we just stuck with it and skipped all the between stuff. BUT, we really do know that our lives are richer, our passion deeper, our compassion greater because of the path we've been on. We wouldn't have the ministry desires we do if we'd just stayed here.

On a financial front, we asked God to be merciful and provide what was needed to fill in the gaps before paychecks began to kick in, especially with Bill needing some time off right away for Riley's surgery. Once again, God miraculously provided through an old friend who has been one of Bill's biggest supporters concerning his golf game. It is enough to stretch us through, and also pay Bill's handicap fees and get some coaching. So we are extremely grateful!

There are some dissappointments in the fact that those things didn't happen in time for Bill to be eligible to compete in the August mid-ameteurs, but we trust God is bigger than all of that.

The challenge now, is that Bill's caddying causes him to run about six miles in a round. He calls each night and finds out his schedule for the next day. So far, it is random at best. Trying to figure out when he can work on his own game and having the energy to do it is a big prayer concern. Also, this is of course a seasonal job and is based on a tipping wage. So far, God has blessed with good tips. That is a huge answer to prayer.

Personally, I'm very relieved because our initial thought was that we would both need to work. But my amazing husband is still totally committed to me being able to be a full time wife and mom and homemaker. We will have to be creative, but that's nothing new. I'm so glad because the last couple of weeks have literally kept me running with my normal obligations. I couldn't imagine trying to add a job to my list. Though, I was willing, the idea had me very stressed out and heavy hearted.

What I've been up to....I've been trying to majorly clean out - once again! We had a yard sale weekend before last. I'm dreaming of ways to rearrange some things in the house to make it more functional and beautiful. Wishing for a load of free yardsale furniture to exhange for my leftover junk. :D It is time to organize school stuff. There are 13 boxes of curriculum sitting in my basement waiting for me to decide how to arrange things. I've also spent countless hours on "saving MOPS" and getting things ready for next year. It's going to be a great year!

I still haven't even heard a word about my book. That has me frustrated. I think I know the answer, maybe...but I feel that they have something that belongs to me and are liable to give me an answer within their promised time frame - which is past. In the meantime, dad is bringing his laptop to me this week. I'll be able to sit at the hospital and work on new proposals and get ready to start over.

So, that's that and that's where were at!...for now...