The sky was literally striped tonight with purple, pink, orange, and blue. The air was crisp and perfect - weather like June. The kids made an obstacle course in the yard with a shovel, a ramp, a snowboard, two tires, etc. They raced and practiced jumping the tires and shovel and running around the tree. I love their inspiration.

I love how God loves on my kids. As I watch Riley thrive in school, I'm over and over again reminded how much more God loves my kids than I do. I can't even believe the incredible opportunities he has, and the encouragement he is receiving.

Clayton gathered this morning at his flagpole with many other students for the annual "See You At the Pole." It's not that it is unique. Lots of schools were doing it, but it was unique that his public school had posters hanging all over the place to advertise it (right next to the Revolve Tour posters. SYATP was even in the list of daily announcements e-mailed to the parents. Our conversation on the way home revolved around what they prayed for, the songs they sang while someone played guitar, and how it gave Clayton the strength to face the day with some absurd science theories.

Bill's hours are beginning to shorten as the golf season comes to a close. We are grateful that I am working now to help compensate. God knows our needs - our needs for humility, purpose, provision, and hope. He is good - all the time!

Fall - Falling Upon Us

This afternoon was almost perfect! The air was a cool 59 degrees, but the sun was bright and warm. Clayton gave the lawn one last pre-frost trim. Riley finished selling his school coupon books by visiting many of our neighbors. Ian and Hayden looked for treasure on the "clift" with their friend, Austin. I cleaned the kitchen and mopped the floors with all the doors open, so the fresh fall breeze could blow through. There is a special way the sun shines this time of year. There is a special thrill that comes from seeing the apples begin to blush on the trees and hearing the children laugh and play outside over the hum of the mower. Soup for supper. Cuddling up on the couch to read books. All I'm missing is a new Pumpkin Spice candle. :D

I'm learning to embrace each simple moment like this as life gets busier and busier. I'm enjoying love gifts sent to me by my Heavenly Father - like a chance meeting with a friend that led to a day of fun with our kids together. We'd been trying to plan something for months, and couldn't work it out on our own. I enjoyed a divine weekend of rest at our women's retreat last weekend. I treasure every moment in the bookstore or library. It's a new season around here in lots of ways, and I'm praying I'll embrace the season God has for us - just as I excitedly embrace fall!

First Day of School

We have a lot of new things brewing around here. As of this week, we're adapting to a whole new lifestyle and set of schedules. One of us drives afternoon carpool. One of drops of kids in the morning and gets everyone ready to go. I'm working. The kids are all at school. I was supposed to have jury duty yesterday, but THANK GOD it was cancelled, because I didn't finish settling everyone into classes until 9:15. I guess there would have been a warrant out for my arrest or something. LOL!



I'm sure things will settle as time goes on. Last night I spent probaby two hours filling out all the paperwork the kids brought home from school.



Clayton has transitioned from "determined to hate school" to "not loving it, but not hating it", which I suppose is progress. I think it will get better as time goes on.



When I got home, Riley grabbed me and hugged me and said, "I LOVE my school!" Yeah! I'm so glad.



Ian was very quiet last night, but still seemed positive. I think it was attributed to being without his blanket for an entire day and realizing that maybe first grade wasn't just an organized play group with lunch in the cafeteria.



Hayden also said he had a good time. His little friend Isaac, who lives at the bottom of the driveway, is in his class. That was an automatic comfort factor.

Overall, we all survived the first day!

In the midst of all the change, though, I cannot describe the peace and excitement in my heart. First of all, I think it is just the result of obedience. Putting all my kids in school and going to work is not something I would have ever saw myself doing. I remember telling Bill, before we were married (while we were discussing how important it was that I was home with our future children), that the day I had to drop one of my kids off at daycare, I would probably fall apart. Well, I didn't fall apart. I didn't even cry once. I honestly wasn't sad. I know we are doing what God has asked us to do at this time in our life - and THAT is the best thing for our kids - just watching mom and dad obey and be filled with the peace that passes understanding.

In my quiet times recently (which seems to be the only personal thing I have time for), I've been enjoying the writings of Corrie ten Boom. I read her biography several years ago, but this is more like a journal. Talk about deep. Yesterday, I read her thoughts on worry.

We imagine that a little anxiety and worry are indications of how wise we are. We think we see the dangers of life clearly. In reality, however, our fears are only an indication of how wicked we really are.

As Charles G. Trumbull says,

Worry is sin; a black, murderous, God-defying, Christ-rejecting sin; worry about anything, at any time whatever. We will never know victory over worry and anxiety until we begin to treat it as sin. For such it is. It is a deep-seated distrust of the Father, who assures us again and again that even the falling sparrow is in His tender care.

The words fear not occur many times in the Bible. The Word of God has no suggestions, only commandments. So if we fear and worry, we are being disobedient, and disobedience is always a sin.

The only way blunders and destruction can occur in our lives is when we forget to trust God. When we take things into our own unskilled hands, we get them knotted and tangled.

Worry is utterly useless. It never serves a good purpose. It brings no good results. One cannot think or see clearly when worrying. Let pagans worry if they will, but we must not, for we have a living Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ, and His conquering power. His victory can be our victory. Life at best is brief, and there is so much to be accomplished. If we must burn ourselves out, let us burn out for God.

In this age of increasing pace, it is easy to follow the crowd and let materialism become our god. But if we do, too often we find that worry and tension bcome our masters. The effects of tension are seen in all spheres of life. Tension leads to inefficiency and frayed nerves with our fellow workers and students; in politics to strain in international relations and fears of war. In the home, tension leads to irritability with our husband or wife, destroying the very thing God meant to be perfect.

She goes on to talk about her time in concentration camps. This wasn't written by a millionaires wife, but by one whose family sacrificed greatly for God's people. She served years in concentration camps, watched her sister die there, spent time in solitary confinement....all for hiding Jews from the murderous Nazis.

I think if she can learn to trust God, I can too.

What We're All Doing

Boy, life just doesn't slow down - and while I'd like to just sit here and write and write, I thought I'd at least take a minute to post a bit about what we are all going to be doing this fall - which starts Monday.

Bill
Bill will continue working as a pro at The Coeur d'Alene Resort Golf Course and letting his leg heal. He is back at work, but pretty sore and swollen when he gets home each day.


Angela
I will be the new customer service representative for Mom 4 Life, working part time. Bill and I will both be juggling car pools, drop offs, and pick ups for the kids. I will also continue to be involved in women's ministry at Real Life and writing when I can. Oh! and the first week that all the kids are in school, I have jury duty. Yeah! This is probably the biggest change for our family, as I've been home full time with the kids for over eleven years and homeschooling off and on in there as well.

Clayton
Clayton is starting sixth grade on Monday at Coeur d'Alene Charter Academy, which is a college prepatory school. It was recently rated in the top half of the top one percent of the nation's high schools. It is a public school, but state-funded, rather than district funded. He will be wearing uniforms. Right now, he is determined to hate the whole thing, but we are very excited for this opportunity and trust his heart will change as time goes.

Riley and Ian
Riley will be in third grade and Ian will in first grade at Sorenson Magnet School, which is also a public school. It emphasizes art, music, theatre, and humanities. The boys will be also wearing uniforms and going to school an extra hour a day, compared to other public elementaries. The pictures you saw in a previous post from Art on the Green showed the boys juggling, balancing on balls, etc...all at a booth sponsored by their school.

Hayden
Hayden will be going to preschool at Noah's Ark Learning Center four days a week and staying with Daddy on Fridays. :D He's very excited about the playground, and his new naptime gear. He got to go to the fabric store with mom and pick stuff for new pillow and blankets for school.



The kids are all very excited. We've taken special time each day to help them all label their backpacks and school supplies and get everything loaded. We've sharpened over 60 pencils and steamed and hung all the uniforms.





Tonight will be haircuts!
Whew!

Good News!

We got the lab report today, and Bill is cancer free! It was simply a ganglion cyst behaving strangely. We'll take it! Thank you Jesus!

He is pretty sore still, but will try to return to work tomorrow.

The World Keeps Turning

It is 10 p.m. I'm finally sitting down. It is nice to sit and read so many e-mails encouraging us and assuring us of your prayers and love and support. Friends have brought meals and helped with kids, and we are so grateful.

Today I did middle school orientation with Clayton, registration at two different elementaries (since Ian is still on the waiting list at the school Riley is going to), four dental appointments, and ordered glasses. I went through the day feeling I could cry at any moment, but just kept plugging through it all - almost too busy to think. One friend prayed with me at orientation, several called throughout the day. It helps so much to keep my heart focused pouring out to Jesus.

As I'm blogging, Bill is gleefully raising his leg in the air and cheering at himself. He is wiggling his toes and almost got them crossed! Any movement and feeling is encouraging. Yeah!

It's All Going to Be O.K.

The doctor had said it would be about a 45 minute procedure. One hour passed, then one and a half, and then two. I sensed that something wasn’t going quite right. Spouse after spouse was called to join their loved ones in recovery, but not me. Then it was my turn, but instead of being summoned to recovery. A staff member asked another staff member to please escort me to a consult room. My heart sunk. The halls seemed very long. I felt the undersized room could swallow me up while I sat and waited for the surgeon to finish up and join me. I wished I had someone holding my hand. My teeth began to chatter. I just knew the events of the day had not gone as anticipated, and I really didn’t know what to expect next. I just knew my heart needed to prepare for the next thing.

When I was still in the waiting room, Bill’s mom and I were watching an episode of 7th Heaven where a sweet, older lady was assuring the mom that “It would all be o.k.” That the death of her mom, her husband’s heart attack, her children’s rebellion, her father’s recent Alzheimer’s diagnosis, would not define the quality of her life. It would all be o.k. In the last year, God has taught me that the phrase “It’s all going to be o.k.” can have many different meanings and interpretations. I’ve learned that “being o.k.” may have nothing to do with the outcome of the circumstances. It simply means that God’s character doesn’t change. He is still always strong. He is still always loving. He is still always faithful, and He is still the provider of the peace that passes all understanding. So no matter the hardships, no matter the blows, it can all be o.k.

So I sat there asking God for the strength to handle another blow, to be able to take the next steps in whatever journey had been planned, no matter how difficult things might be.

The doctor explained that he had removed the cyst, but that it wasn’t exactly like they’d thought. It had the appearance of a ganglion cyst. It came on fast like a ganglion cyst. But a ganglion cyst usually comes off a tendon. This mass was coming out of the nerve. It had split the nerve, was growing around the nerve, in the nerve, and following the nerve. There was concern that it might in fact be a schwannoma tumor. A ganglion cyst is always benign. A schwannoma tumor might be benign, but it might not be. A schwannoma tumor has the tendency to turn malignant even if it starts out as benign. He said there was about a one in ten chance that we were looking at something more serious. He explained that if it did turn out to be a schwannoma tumor that a neurosurgeon would need to go back in and use his ultra high-powered microscope to scrape the nerve completely clean of any trace of contaminated cells….and we should know all of this in as little as

72 hours.

The room felt cold. My head felt dark. My heart felt alone and cradled in the Father’s hands all at the same time. Teeth chattering and insides shaking, I delivered the report to Bill’s parents and then mine and then a few others and then to Bill. He embraced me and said those predictable words, “It’s all going to be o.k.”

Wal-mart didn’t have his prescriptions ready. I found myself wandering around the store piling things into my arms - frozen peas for ice packs, a cold water bottle for Bill (who was waiting in the van). I didn’t even know what I was looking for. I was in a fog. My dear friend Santha hopped on the interstate and met me at Wal-mart to give me a hug and wait for the prescriptions. She asked me what I was thinking, and I confessed. Honestly, nothing about this year has been for sure or miraculous or a big, positive answer to prayer. Time after time, the answer is no. Time after time, we’re called to deal with the worst possibility. My confession: I no longer expect God to do something big and miraculous for us. I expect to face the worst. It isn’t that I don’t believe God *can* do big. It just seems to be the year where we follow Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego in saying, “Our God has the power to save us…but even if he doesn’t…..” It has been the year of echoing Hezekiah in saying, “Even though there are no cattle in the stalls, and no grain in the fields…I will still praise you.”

We have come to accept that it can all be o.k. - even though it is horrible. But today, I am forced to wrap my mind around the horrible. I wish I could be one who didn’t think about the worst until we had all the answers, but it just isn’t me.

A friend of mine has been blogging about the recent death of her newborn son and how she is having to work through feelings of resentment and envy towards those that are having babies and carrying babies and announcing pregnancies. I can relate to those feelings in the small moments that others tell me about God’s miraculous answers to their prayers. They tell stories of having the elders pray, and God miraculously healed. Not Bill. They tell stories of taking requests to God and how he came through in a bigger way than they even expected. I would be completely ungrateful to act as if God never comes through for us, but I’ll admit…I have taken a hard swallow time after time at the good news of my friends, and chosen to rejoice with them out of obedience…inside wondering why all of the miracles seem to elude us.

I know that God is doing things behind the scenes that we don’t even see, that there are miracles He’s doing that we don’t even know we need. I know that He is always faithful, and that He is always loving, and that He is strong and powerful and mighty to save. But today, the truths of God’s Word and our feelings collide and need the opportunity and the time to learn to cooperate with each other.

So last night we returned 1,000 phone calls. I drug the down mattress that I’ve been trying to sell up the stairs so I could cozy up as close to Bill’s couch as possible. He lovingly worked on a knot in my back while we watched gymnastics, and tears streamed down my face. We didn’t sleep well.

…and today begins. Middle school orientation, registrations at two elementary schools, four dentist appointments, and waiting. I’d rather just stay cozied up to Bill today holding on to the preciousness of each moment. But life moves on. The world moves on.

…and it’s all going to be o.k.